I Finally Decided to Stop Running from My Problems

I grew up in a very small town. Everyone knew everyone and there was no such thing as privacy. Because of this, you are taught to just not talk about problems, issues or anything that may be semi-uncomfortable.I am not blaming anyone for the way I became, just simply that it was an easy path to learning to run away from everything that scared me.

When I left for college I ran into a lot of bigger life problems. I had battles just like anyone else. I grew up with anxiety, but it went over the edge as I went out into the world on my own.

I ended up moving 4 times in the four years I was in college. I began feeling like it was easier to just start over than it would be to deal with my issues. I kept running until one day I was standing on my balcony. I looked over the edge and all I wanted to do was jump. The voices in my head told me to jump. It was a peaceful day and it seemed almost too perfect. There was just a tiny part of my head that knew I didn’t truly want that.

That was the day I decided to stop running.

I moved back to the city I recently ran from. I made a list of everything I had ever quit and a list of people I had ran from.

Day after day I have worked on knocking out all my relevant goals that I had quit. I apologize to everyone I had hurt, and I went to therapy to begin to face myself.

To tell you this is a challenge is a huge understatement.

I have had to deal with the repercussions of my behavior. I lost some good people. I lost some big opportunities. The thing is… I gained some huge opportunities and I have gotten back many wonderful and forgiving friends.

My heart is happy now. I have learned to be me, to let people take it or leave it, and to not be apologetic for my beliefs and feelings. There are millions of people around you and trust me, there are some that would love to be friends with the real you.

Facing myself is the best thing I have ever done. I met someone ambitious and unique that had hidden themselves their entire life. I met someone that I love that has a beautiful soul. I finally met Me.