I Miss My Husband’s Air
The atmosphere of marriage
This week, my husband and I are away from one another for the next five days.
This isn’t long, I understand that. I also know that for us since the pandemic began — we have been attached at the hip whether we like it or not since day one.
We aren’t codependent and we actually prefer to have a lot of alone time for ourselves.
Because of this, we spend a lot of time outside of one another’s presence, while always still being present.
For example, we will both be at home, all.week.long. However, besides eating dinner together and sleeping beside one another, we don’t really spend much time together till Saturday.
This works for us as I have previously written about in “How We’re Surviving Marriage in a Pandemic.”
This works for us, most times.
The truth is that we are only human and have a lot of struggles. Especially in the last year. It goes without saying that marriage is hard and that there are highs and lows to every single relationship.
There are times that you curse one another and could really go for a weekend away. Time to breathe, catch your breath, and just be completely and utterly alone.
But, then you get there.
You’re alone and you’re breathing and you enjoy it no doubt. At least for a day, maybe even two. But, you can’t seem to shake that twinge that seems to come up after a while. That feeling like you’ve forgotten something.
For me, I check my keys, my wallet, my phone. I haven’t missed an appointment and I don’t have anywhere to be.
I just miss my husband's presence.
I don’t need his touch and I don’t need his conversation. I don’t even need to eat his cooking or have a date night. I don’t need to call him and hear how much he misses me either.
I just need to know he’s there.
There is something about being in love that is so beyond the surface level. The feeling of just wanting to be in the midst of someone you love’s atmosphere. To be in their air.
I love alone time more than most. I love to be in the bath, or a quiet room and escape completely. I love my own company and can get by most days with it and a dash of other’s company.
But —
I miss my husband's atmosphere when I’m not around it.
