LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX (BABY)
The number of women who are in sexless marriages astonishes me. For the longest time I thought I was the only one. The shame and guilt I carried around because my husband didn’t want to touch me, or sometimes I didn’t want to touch him, grew inside of me and quickly turned into resentment. It’s a difficult spot to be in when you realize that the person you’re married to has rejected every part of you; even the most sacred act of two individuals becoming one in love. After awhile I completely shut down sexually. I lost my sense of sexuality, sensuality, and forgot what it meant to be turned on. And I’m not speaking of the I’m turned on so let’s fuck, I am talking about the turn on for life, I literally cut everything off, and at one point I was feeling completely dead inside.
I began to numb the fuck out, with sugar, wine, gossip, food, anything that would get me out of my reality. Every time I saw a couple kissing, holding hands, hugging, I wanted to vomit all over them. I chocked it up to me hating PDA, but deep down I was jealous. I was jealous that they had pleasure and I didn’t, I was jealous that they found desire, and I was living like a walking corpse. They were rose cheeked and alive, and secretly I desperately wanted what they had. The depressing part was, I didn’t know how to find it. I didn’t know where to go in order to find my turn on again.
Being disconnected from my sexual prowess has led me to explore the meaning of pleasure, and why women have been taught to look outside of themselves for a gift only they know how to give. Pleasure is a birthright, and our direct channel to our feminine spirit. Pleasure can be found in the simplest places. It can be found in a piece of chocolate, a quiet morning, a trip across the world, a glass of wine, in your significant others touch. It is in us and of us; we have the power to produce pleasure any time and anywhere.
So the question is, how do we reconnect to our pleasure, and how can that pleasure be the catalyst to us getting in touch with our turn on? The truth is, you are the key to living life with love, pleasure, turn on, bliss, and the list goes on and on. When you make yourself a priority, and you choose yourself in all situations, that is the first step towards reclaiming your power. When you get clear about what you want and how you want to be treated, you can begin envisioning a juicy life that is lived on your terms. If you’re not sure where to start, I have shared a few things that have put me on the path towards rediscovering what it is I truly desire, and helped set my plan in to motion.
WRITE A DESIRE LIST.
I have a desire list that feels like a mile long. Whenever I get stuck in the pattern of “I don’t know what I want” I pull out my desire list and remind myself that I know exactly what I want. It feels good to have a reference that I can keep adding to as I expand my desires in various places in my life. My desires range from having daily orgasms, writing a NY Times best seller, an all expense paid trip to Italy, to having fresh flowers in my home. Your desires can be super big, or sweet and simple. There is no wrong or right when it comes to creating a list of all the things that will bring you bliss. It’s about connecting to your truth and most importantly your happiness.
GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FEMININE SIDE.
Whether you’re aware of it or not, we are controlled by the patriarchy on a daily basis. I’m not calling it right or wrong, but when you’re knee deep in masculine energy on a daily basis, it’s very easy to disconnect from your divine feminine way of being. We are not encouraged to connect to our feminine side, because it is seen as weak, and not useful. So we bury it deep inside of us, and throw away the key. But as we disconnect from the very fiber of our being, our lives go haywire, and we wonder why we feel so disconnected from our mind, body and soul. It’s because we detach from the very thing that gives us power. But don’t fret; no matter how hard we try to deny our feminine powers, we can always reconnect to this life-giving force. It can be as simple as going out for a night on the town with your girlfriends and dancing the night away. Taking a long luxurious bath, with lots of candles and sexy music. Buying some sexy lingerie, and look approvingly at yourself in the mirror. In order to reconnect with our sexuality, our sensuality, and our turn on, it has to come from a feminine place. That connection is our true and main source of power.
GET IN TOUCH WITH HER.
Ah yea, I’m talking about your vagina! We are all grown ups here. There’s nothing like romancing yourself in order to soften the edges. I will admit this one was a tough one for me. Growing up in a good Christian home, self pleasure and exploration was not encouraged, and I always felt a lot of guilt around masturbation. As I got older, and had the natural urge to explore my body, it was always met with disgust and shame. But let me tell you ladies, I worked my ass off to alleviate myself from any shameful feelings when it comes to myself and my body. The body, in all its glory, was meant to be loved and explored. If no one is doing that for you, I suggest you take it upon yourself to do everything you can to give yourself an orgasm. Don’t be afraid, it is as natural as drinking water. Challenge yourself, and take it one step at a time. I promise knowing your body on an intimate level, will make sex with your partner so much more exciting, because you’ll be able to tell them what you like or don’t like, and that my friend is power!
We all need various amounts of sexual healing; cue Marvin Gaye! It’s so easy to disconnect from this portion of our lives because we’re not encouraged to explore what makes our bodies, spirit, and soul go BOOM! Its looked down upon for a women to understand the in and outs of their desire, pleasures, bliss, and turn on. We are dissuaded from understanding our sexuality, and the power of our sensuality. If all women were connected to their turn on, there’s no telling how this world would change. In the words of our dear Goddess Beyoncé, “Who run the world? Girls!” I think its time we reclaim our power and tap into our unlimited potential. I promise, the world will be a much more awesome place!
