Lilly, on Tuesday
Tuesday, the last day that Lilly is alive.
oh, god, this is that horrible suburban white lady thing
there are bigger things in the world to cry about
but this is Tuesday, the last day that Lilly is alive
I never liked Tuesday anyway.
You’re entrenched in the middle of the week with no escape
and more to go than there is behind and I am stalling because
I loved my little girl-dog and Lilly was alive for the last time
on a Tuesday.
Her fur was so soft and shiny as she lay on the blanket
on the driveway, individual strands lit like crystal
those dulled after the second shot
and while I’ve seen dying and death before
seeing the crystal light go out of my dog’s fur
lying in the sun made for the worst Tuesday
I have ever lived.
Five stinking days. Five days from fine and asking
for cookies and cuddling on the couch to
too weak to stand up and patiently waiting, waiting
with those brown eyes for mama to make it better
and three vets couldn’t tell us what was wrong and Lilly
couldn’t tell us what was wrong and five stinking days
that ended with the inevitable crushing weight of a
dead tree slowly toppling on
Tuesday.
Every damn cat and dog I’ve ever had has broken my heart
and mended my heart and because I’m that weird middle-aged
lady with no children (at the time we couldn’t afford children.
we have missed rent because of cats and dogs and illnesses.
the economics of the heart are not sensible.)
I’m a cliche. I know
that this is a cliche. And I want to remember the smiles she gave
on the walk home (always the walk home…she was afraid we’d leave her.)
and the flouncy way her dog coat flipped when she danced in snow
and the grunty sighs she gave when she shifted
on the couch in the same way that I remember Miro’s skeptical whiskers
and Bones hurtling from improbably high places and Fitzy oozing onto my lap
like a fungus hoping I won’t notice right now
I remember the light going out of her fur in the sun
and that it was Tuesday.
Lilly was last alive on Tuesday.
in memoriam:. Lilly (Fuzzy’s Faith Hill) Clark, b. Dec. 13, 2012, d. June 4, 2019. Brindle/white greyhound. Good girl. Good girl.
