The importance of Solitude for a happy life
We become better people through the practice that allows ourselves to be alone with our thoughts, detached from any kind of internal or external distractions.
Being in retreat from external disturbances will help you see things with more clarity. Such clarity is not likely to spray out if you haven’t cleared out your mind in the first place.
Albert Einstein once said
“I take time to go for long walks on the beach so that I can listen to what is going on inside my head. If my work isn’t going well, I lie down in the middle of a work day and gaze at the ceiling while I listen and visualize what goes on in my imagination.”
When was the last time you took time for yourself? When was the last time you just plopped down in the middle of the day and sat by yourself with only your thoughts?
May be it happened a month ago. As a society, we are more and more afraid to be alone, to experience solitude, to isolate ourselves from others.
After all, in this modern era where the so-called modern communication is declined in several forms of social networks, we are no longer used to take time to be alone, but in the opposite busy watching other people’s lives and comparing ours against theirs.
Our brain naturally tends to look for ways to avoid facing our thoughts
In 2014, Science Magazine published a study in which participants were placed in a room for fifteen minutes by themselves and told to just sit there with their thoughts and an electric shocker.
Even though all participants had previously stated that they would pay money to avoid being shocked with electricity, it was found that the majority of participants placed in this room shocked themselves with the electric shocker given to them rather than just sit there quietly and think.
It is quite worrying and disheartening that people seem to be so uncomfortable when left to their own devices, that they can be so bored that even being shocked seem more entertaining.
We don’t know how to cope with Solitude
Not only are we afraid of being alone individually, but we are also afraid of those around us who we see as being alone. We are afraid of others who appear to be by themselves.
We are wrong to often consider them as unproductive, antisocial or even unwanted, but instead we should look for what we can learn from those people and their mindset.
Somehow, we are afraid of solitude, because we don’t understand it, because we don’t know the benefits we can gain from it, or because we simply confuse solitude with loneliness.
There shouldn’t be confusion between what we call solitude here and loneliness. The key thing is willingness
Solitude is being alone by choice for introspection whereas loneliness is feeling socially isolated and alone when you don’t want to be.
Loneliness is what happens when you experience low social opportunity, low social skills and view social interactions negatively.
Being alone can benefit not only us as human beings but also the communities we are part of and interact with.
The benefits of solitude
Firstly, intentional solitude can help us achieve our common goal of being less stressed out
The potential you can unlock when you start experiencing is just limitless. I remember when I started the practice of meditation and active contemplation many years ago, I knew that I would develop through constant practice, a quiet mind and patience, but what I didn’t suspect was that I would develop a need of being more frequently in active solitude.
Session after session, I was increasingly enjoying my time facing my thoughts and letting my mind finding solutions for me. I started feeling that I had more and more control over some aspects of my life, which made me less stressed out. The less stress I had, the better I felt and more and more motivated I was to keep looking for solitude time. My stress level went down as I was learning to calm my mind down after years of practice of active solitude.
Secondly, the practice of active solitude makes us better people
Having smartphones and social media accounts at our fingertips heightens our aversion to being by ourselves. This constant motion prevents you from engaging in deep thought, which inhibits creativity and lessens productivity. Reflecting on our actions and thinking about future personal improvements are the cornerstones of productive solitude.
Solitude provides space to think deeply on issues that really challenge us far from external impulses such as “what people might think about me doing this”, but instead close to our inner self, focusing on questions like: What is really important to me? “How the decision I will take will impact my life”, “How can I better weigh in the pros and cons at hands for a better decision outcome?”
Thirdly, Solitude can enhance the quality of your relationships with others
By spending time with yourself and gaining a better understanding of who you are and what you desire in life, you’re more likely to make better choices about who you want to be around. You also may come to appreciate your relationships more after you’ve spent some time alone.
Fourthly, the other benefit we can gain from solitude is increased creativity
The brilliant Inventor Nikola Tesla once said “The mind is sharper and keener in seclusion and uninterrupted solitude. Originality thrives in seclusion, free of outside influences, beating upon us to cripple the creativity mind. Be alone — that is the secret of invention: be alone, that is when ideas are born.”
Solitude fosters innovation and that can change the way we see collaboration. Intentional solitude (as opposed to loneliness) can be a decisive turning point in our communities.
I know this from fact since I used to be a very sad and wistful person. But this state of being began to change when I decided to take time to intentionally be by myself, to intentionally be alone. Going through that journey of solitude crossed my mind when my father passed away three years ago. I was terribly sad and basically always looking in the past rather than collect myself and build up for the future.
So I started going on outdoorsy activities alone even though I was still plagued by my own thoughts. I was pushing myself to experience new things, didn’t want anybody with me even when I was going on a backpacking trip. Basically I was seeking active solitude.
In the meantime, I enhanced my meditation practice to face my thoughts and better deal with them. Once my confidence began to grow, I started doing bigger things (like thirty-kilometer trails) and much more enjoying time with other people.
Conclusion
Even little things like plopping down on a carpet in a middle of a busy day for 6, 10 minutes eyes open or calming down your mind for a couple of minutes is not a bad thing. You will feel calmer, free from the expectations of others and more focused. You will feel less stress from work and more in harmony with your living environment. This kind of practice needs repetition since creating new habits takes time and repetition. Trust the process and pay attention to how you feel every time you decide to go on active solitude.
What would happen if you spent ten minutes before bed every night or if you woke up ten minutes earlier in the morning and just sat by yourself?
What if you went on a short walk, let’s say once or twice a week intentionally alone. What would that change in your life??
