Lucky In Love: Grandmothers #Mothers
As one matures throughout life many changes will occur but if you are lucky, the unconditional love of parents and grandparents will be a constant. I am definitely one of the lucky ones. My mother’s parents lived in the city but had a cottage up north in Michigan. Their dog, Joe, earned them the title of Grandma and Grandpa Bow-Wow. My father’s parents retired from the city and moved to the middle of the woods, as I thought of it. Their cat Jo-Jo gave them Kitty Grandma and Grandpa. Even though I grew up in a broken home, I knew I was loved by both my parents, who had divorced when I was in elementary school. Because of this split, many distractions and life events in each parent’s life, such as remarriage, working and going back to school, led me to feel neglected.
Now as an adult, I see clearly, all my grandparents, especially the grandmothers, as the glue that held my life together. I received support of every kind from them and will be eternally grateful. My sister and I spent many days every summer with our grandparents, separate from either parent, strengthening our relationships. On top of that, until the age of fifteen, I had a beloved Great Grandma, showering me with unconditional and constant love. She played Spite and Malice with my sister and I and taught me about African violets. She instructed me in crochet which I still do, forty plus years later. I am eternally grateful my own three children had both of my dear grandmothers in their lives into their lived until my own children were teens. My children knew their Great Grandma’s as I did, making memories at their homes, even helping rebuild and play in my tree house.
I have always been close with the elder women in my family, watching carefully when they performed domestic activities, learning how to cook, bake, clean windows with newspaper and vinegar. I also learned to sew and macrame during my summer vacations at the cottage or the house in the woods. I grew up with the influence of these women affecting both my thought and actions. While I admired my Mother immensely, it was more the time spent with my grandmothers that has been reflected in my role as a wife and mother. It was a terrible loss when all my grandmothers were gone.
My grandmas were both born in 1912, living through both World Wars and The Depression. Their upbringing had similarities of time and manner. They each lost a parent during their early childhood. Each had a parent live with them near the end of their parent’s life. They experienced the joy of parenthood in different ways, one included the adoption of a foreign born child. The other with a large gap in the children’s age, almost as if raising children twice. But unfortunately, they shared a similar experience with early loss, each having miscarriages. One then lost a child in her early adulthood. Despite the differences between these two great women, each had a devotion for me that would start as that beloved baby, that joined their two families, though my adult life, even connecting them at the time of my own Mother’s early death. There was never a day when I entered a room with them, I was not loved, cherished, and adored.
My own darling granddaughter entered my life in April of 2017. Being a grandmother has caused me to think a lot about my own relationships with my two grandmothers. I am a first born child and first born grandchild on both sides of my family. Years later, a sister and a couple of cousins were added but it never diminished the love I felt from them. My entrance to grand-parenthood impacted my life differently than motherhood did, in obvious and not so obviously ways. Of course, physically she had not lived in my body for nine months nor would she take nourishment from my body and be in near constant proximity to me, 24/7. It wasn’t as if I expected anything different and I will admit initially it was difficult for me. I have always been a baby person, babysitting as early as 12 even spending time as a mother’s helper for newborns so I had a comfort level higher than most, who were not parents.
The other aspect of early days of grand-parenting that I didn’t expect is the absolute pride and joy of seeing your child as a parent. I saw in my son’s eyes, feelings for this baby girl, matching mine for him. Sometimes I look at him holding, feeding, comforting his daughter and I see this little boy grow up to a man in a flash before my eyes. As she had grown and changed and become her own little person, I see him through her eyes(the same big brown eyes) and I wonder what she will be like when she’s a toddler, teen and even adult. I, then quickly, remember how fast time goes and try to slow down the brain and be mindful of where she is right now. What I have learned about loving this little gem of a granddaughter is to love and live in the minute. When she or I enter the room the other is in, I want to cherish every minute of our encounter. Today, her toothy smile seems fuller and more other directed. Now that she is walking, I notice today the drunken sailor approach appears a little less and she is moving faster toward the object of her attention.
Maya Angelou once stated, “Your eyes should light up when your child enters the room.” –that when a child enters the room, the gift you give that child is the knowledge that they are the most wonderful thing in the world. My love for Baby Girl can not be measured nor diminished. It should never be compared to others, it bonds us in an indescribable manner. It is for always.
