Nice Guys & Incels: A Visual Representation

Based on my current and previously dating life, I’m no dating expert. So, curious in nature and a decent student of the universe, I’m trying to become one. For my own sake, if no one else’s. But unlike the asshole teacher’s pet that always reminds the professor that they forgot to collect the homework, I actually want to share knowledge when I think I have something.

And today I think I have something. I learned a new word that opened up a new way of thinking on classifying men. A vicious subset of Nice Guy culture; the Incel.

The proportions may be off, this is just based on personal interactions with both.

In short: While Nice Guys are generally pleasant and only unpleasant when rejected, the Incel (for “involuntary celibate”) is a Nice Guy who has been turned entirely sour on dating and intimacy, even though they still seek it. Claiming that it must have something to do with their looks, but feel equally frustrated when they see other ‘ugly’ men date successfully. When in reality, it’s the negative attitude or personality traits associated with it that cause their poor luck in the dating world. Incels are Nice Guys with a twist, it seems.

*Incels adjusted as to not interfere with Soft Boys, as a man cannot be all three (that I’m aware of).

But additionally, there are also Soft Boys. Adding a dynamic to the Nice Guys platform, Soft Boys are noncommittal and casual, who occasionally treat their prospects well, while agreeing to only occasionally take them seriously. In a long string of dates and hookups, Soft Boys play the long game. Chemistry can be there, but nothing phases the emotional distance kept. Although they do seem genuinely interested, they often “have weird days” and “are super busy at work”. When looking at Nice Guys vs. Soft Boys, there can be some overlap, but the two are also fairly independent of one another.

I only feel slightly douchey for using the word ‘Woke’ here.

Soft Boys behave in a way that will initially attract and interest many women, but are ultimately shooting themselves in the foot for a serious relationship. Some know what they’re doing, and are truly in a place that they don’t want something meaningful, while others think this is just how the game is played in order to get a prospect into bed. Hence, the addition of division. While Woke Soft Boys know very well their actions will lead to only half-hearted interactions, the Ignorants think little of it. But both types of Soft Boy are fully capable of having a ‘Nice Guy’ reaction when rejected by a woman, of frustration and entitlement.

*Incels adjusted yet again for a cleaner chart. Apologies Incels, at least you’re getting frequently handled by a woman here.

But of those Soft Boys, we have to think back to the classic Fuck Boy. Occasionally referenced as one word, Fuck Boys are aware of their behaviors and actions, and are actively only seeking sexual relationships. Romantic words or gestures may come from them once in a blue moon, but it’s likely to keep the woman engaged and hopeful for something more than an eggplant emoji at 12:45am on a Thursday. The Fuck Boy plays dumb, but is actually very capable in his craft. He knows his best features and attributes and plays them up in order to maintain interest among his (often multiple) prospects. But much like the Soft Boys, there is a division among Fuck Boys.

Is anyone actually named Chad anymore?

A fair portion, if not half of, the Fuck Boys can also be referred to as Chads. A title coined by self-proclaimed Incels, the Chad is a man that is successful in his mistreatment of women. Typically not romantic in gestures, and therefore not inclusive with Woke Soft Boys, Chads are your ‘douchebags’ that Nice Guys refer to when the saying “Nice guys finish last.” is brought into reference. Although not the original use of the statement, from their perspective, the world of Chads ruins any chance the Nice Guys have at women by behaving poorly and playing the ‘bad boy’ role that they predict women desire. And while Chads may have many, predominantly sexual, relationships with women, these men likely don’t have any long term prospects until they grown out of this title.

While I’m only breaking down the male side of things, there are classifications of women as Beckys and Stacys. If you have the time, feel free to read up on them, too.

There are also multitudes of both sides of this story, I’m merely telling the mild observations and classifications I’ve run into recently and have had time to analyze in brevity. My crude charts are, well, crude.

But at the end of the day, all of this information is meant to help filter (I highly recommend this article if you’re a 20-something like me that feels the dating world is difficult. It feels like a locker room speech). Learn to identify the signs of Fuck Boys, Chads, Nice Guys, Incels, Soft Boys, etc. Know what to look for so that you know when you’re looking at someone real, on your level.

Hell, maybe even your Great White Buffalo.