On Building Male Bonds…

How I relate to other men in my life has been a point of introspection for a couple years. I’ve always had more female friends than male friends, and for years now, I’ve tried to pinpoint why.

I think I have.

Many of you who know me know that I didn’t grow up around my father consistently until I was almost 20. For much of my life prior to age 10, the only adult male’s I was around were a couple of my mother’s friends/coworkers. I know she did her best to provide my younger self with positive male figures, and I feel like she did a good job of that. That still didn’t necessarily provide an atmosphere for male love in the home or my every day life.

When I was about 10, my stepfather came along. He was a wonderful provider, but severely lacked at building relationships. He and my mother were married for over 15 years, but we never had a healthy parent-child relationship. He never made an attempt to form a father-like relationship with me.

I grew up not asking male parental figures for….well….anything. And when it came to my stepfather, he was the type to throw something he did for you back in your face later on. There were days I would leave for school without lunch money because my mother told me to ask him, and I wouldn’t.

I realized a while ago that I don’t know how to build strong bonds with men in my life because I was never taught how. I’m now 30 and I still suffer from that. To date, there is one man I have built a strong enough bond with that we share a deep friendship, and that is my best friend. Other than he and my brother, I’m not really close to any other men like that. I don’t share a level of brotherhood with anyone really, aside from my actual brother and best friend.

I struggle with not having those connections sometimes. Is that weird? Uncommon?