Parents Are People, Too
Definitely, Maybe is an under-appreciated gem, no maybe about it (P.S. I Love Movies)
I’ve never really had the desire to know how my parents met. Of course, I knew the Sparknotes, but I didn’t really want to know the details. A story like that can shine a vulnerable light on a parent and I didn’t want to see my parents as vulnerable. That is, until I watched the underrated 2008 romantic comedy Definitely, Maybe.
Released four years after the premiere of the CBS smash hit How I Met Your Mother, Definitely, Maybe can be appropriately defined as a less-desperate “how I met your mother” story. Starring Ryan Reynolds, Isla Fisher, Elizabeth Banks, Rachel Weisz, Derek Luke and Abigail Breslin, the cast is a who’s who of rising talent. It tells the story of Will Hayes (Reynolds), a father going through a divorce. One day, his daughter, Maya (Breslin), begs him to tell the story of how he and her mother met. He resists, because he’s still struggling with the reality of his divorce. Eventually he caves, but with a stipulation — all the names of the women in the story will be changed, so that Maya will not know who in the story is her mother — and neither will we, the audience.
At the tender age of ten it is difficult not to frame yourself as the center of the universe, especially as an only child. I am not ashamed to admit I can relate to Maya in that. She insists her father tell the story with the sole purpose of answering her questions and concerns. She comes to realize that, if she wants these answers, the story demands she must first understand her father as a person. She already knows who her father is — she needs to understand Will. Understanding the separation and differences between the role of parent, the role of spouse and the role of self is the crucial step on her path toward understanding why her parents are going through a divorce.
The rest of the film is told by Will in flashbacks with Maya listening, snuggled up in bed a la The Princess Bride. We are introduced to three women that Will once dated — April (Fisher), Emily (Banks), and Natasha (Weisz). We see Will meet them, date them, lose them, and run into them again. The reality of these relationships is refreshing. No wacky scenarios, no grand gestures — just real life relationships with relatable problems. Maya knows that her father marries one of these three, she’s just not sure which.
Maya entertains herself throughout her father’s story by making guesses and giving commentary on each woman. Now, you’re probably asking yourself the same question I asked myself while watching: why would you go through your entire dating roster with your child? This ain’t the time to brag about the notches on your bedpost. Know that is not what’s happening here. We’re not simply meeting partners from Will’s past — we’re meeting the “suspects” in two different yet related mysteries.
The first mystery — who of these three is Maya’s mother? This is a tough question for Maya to answer because she finds herself disappointed with each of them at some point in the story. She finds traits in all three that she loves as well as traits she denies could ever be that of her mother. In storytelling, flaws are what make great characters, but in the eyes of 10-year-old Maya, her parents have no flaws, so how can any of these three be her mother?
The second mystery doesn’t make itself apparent until the film’s midpoint. Who was right for Will — who made him happiest? If it was Maya’s mother…does he still have a chance with her? Not a late night “u up?” kind of chance, but a “this is your soulmate” kind of chance.
Now, the answer to both mysteries could be the same; that’s very much a possibility. However, this is a rom-com, and divorce can’t be the happy ending, right?
This is where a lot of the narrative tension and emotional depth of the film is derived from. We experience it through Maya and the dilemma presented to her through Will’s story. And the dilemma indeed turns out to be fraught, and pretty riveting. Hearing that your father might have chosen the wrong woman can only bring about one question for a child — am I a mistake as well?
The bedtime story does not end up being the storybook fairytale Maya expected. It is honest and raw, which isn’t always what children want to hear. They want the world to operate as they understand it. However, that disappointment does turn into understanding as Maya comes to realize that, although she’s upset about her parents’ divorce, what is most important is that they are both happy — whether that means they are together or not. That is when it clicked with me. Parents are people too and they deserve understanding. Maya embraces this mindset at the conclusion of Will’s story and demands that he go after what makes him happy. What is that he goes after? Well, that’s what makes this unique rom-com stand out. I won’t tell you whodunit — you have a mystery to solve.
I rarely suggest watching rom-coms with your family. In fact this might be the first and only time but watch this with your parents. Or just your mom. Or just your dad. Or whoever it is that raised you. Ask them those tough questions about love and life — their love and life. Encourage and support them just as they have for you. It’s not easy coming to the realization that your parents may not have the answers to everything. You will come to understand, alongside Maya, that your parents have just as much to learn from you as you do from them. You just have to be willing to have that conversation.
So I’m going to ask for the details, pretty or ugly. Maybe there was some relationship overlap, maybe my Dad had to kick someones ass, or maybe my Mom rode in on a white horse and saved my Dad from the tallest tower in the realm. These are just my parents, they were people first. Definitely, Maybe drives that point home poignantly. Giving this one a 4 out of 5.
