Plenty of Fish
You know how they say, “Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he can waste the day fruitlessly dropping his line from the bridge then wandering home at nightfall without his dinner.”
On the art of fishing, Emily Dickinson says:
The Soul selects her own Society —
Then — shuts the Door —
To her divine Majority —
Present no more —
Unmoved — she notes the Chariots — pausing —
At her low Gate —
Unmoved — an Emperor be kneeling
Upon her Mat —
I’ve known her — from an ample nation —
Choose One —
Then — close the Valves of her attention —
Like Stone — (1)
Here’s a current take on the subject:
I am surrounded by wise, beautiful, awaken female friends, I feel pretty awake myself, as I have done the work and keep doing it every day, but for the life of me, I don’t see many if any awaken male, where are they? they seem to be very few, and I have not yet come across any in real life (I am not only talking about lovers, I have not met any man that is conscious and awake, whether it is a friend, a co-worker, a family member, etc..)… which I find disheartening. (2)
It’s hard times on the bridge. We’re fishin’ but the fish ain’t bitin’.
I used to fuss, “Why do ordinary women turn up their noses at us ordinary guys? What makes them so conceited?”
I wince to think I once thought things like that.
Take Kayleigh. Kayleigh and I are casual acquaintances. In fifteen years, Kayleigh and I have barely exchanged a dozen words.
Kayleigh is fat and homely. That’s how she describes herself. “I’m not a looker and I never will be.” Kayleigh also lacks what I’d call an inviting personality. She makes no effort to be friendly. She flocks around the hot guys and hardly gives the other guys the time of day.
The hot guys have no use for Kayleigh. They are flocked by hot women who are slender, pretty, self-assured and sexy.
I know what I know about Kayleigh partly from observation, partly from gossip and partly because people, including Kayleigh, chatter about themselves where others can hear. So I know that Kayleigh gets asked out on a date about once a year. If she fancies the guy, she might accept a second date if he asks her out a second time. If she doesn’t fancy the guy, she turns him down if he asks her out a second time.
If I were Kayleigh’s confidant, I’d be tempted to say, “Kayleigh, dear, the chance of you landing a good-looking, successful, in-demand, hot to trot dude is slim to none. If I were you, I’d lower the bar.”
Can you imagine saying such a thing to a woman? You’d need to have your head examined.
I suspect women experience time and space differently than men do. I suspect that when it comes to sexual attraction, women live in the here and now. And here and now changes at every moment. Men live in the here and now too, but I think the two heres and nows aren’t the same.
An angel of the Lord appears to a guy and tells him, “You’re going to have to wait fifteen years before a woman whom you find attractive will find you attractive.”
Fifteen years! OMG, what’s wrong with me!
An angel of the Lord appears to a woman and tells her, “You’re going to have to wait fifteen years before a man whom you find attractive will find you attractive.”
Fifteen years! OMG, what’s wrong with men!
A woman feels it for a man or she doesn’t. If she doesn’t, she’ll find a man or someone else for whom she does feel it.
In ten words, here’s why the “patriarchy’s” been around all these thousands of years.
“She might split. I’d better tie her to the bedpost.”
The other day, I spied Kayleigh strolling hand in hand with some nice looking guy.
Word on the grapevine has it that Kayleigh’s got a boyfriend.
I’m pleased for Kayleigh even though I don’t especially like her. I hope they’re happy. I hope she doesn’t leave him.
Meanwhile, at the women’s hut…
“I get the part about time and space and the eternally changing here and now,” I said. “So what am I missing?”
“Well at least you’re not missing the part about how ridiculous it is to fault women for refusing to settle for guys who are second rate.’”
“That much I know. What more do I need to know?”
“You’ll have to take that up with the guys at the men’s hut.”
“The men’s hut? I just came from the men’s hut.”
“Then go back to the men’s hut.”
“Guys,” I said when I got back to the men’s hut, “they told me, at the women’s hut, that what I need to know I need to find out from you.”
“We showed you what you need to know.”
“You did?”
“On the bridge down by the fishing hole.”
“You showed me how to bait and cast a lure.”
“That’s right.”
“That’s what I need to know?”
“Bingo.”
“Except we’re talking about women, not fish.”
“We are.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Then you’d best pay better attention.”
(1) The Collected Poems of Emily Dickinson, Johnson ed., 1960, #303.
(2) A comment from an interview with David Deida, Common Ground Magazine, February 2016
