Rediscovering Monsters

Pixabay

It was another long and rough day at the office for Jelitsa. By the time she made it to the school to pick up Scarlett from aftercare there were no other children left. Alone in the corner sat her daughter, her beautiful curly hair bouncing as she whipped up some imaginary meal on the wooden kitchen, talking to herself, or rather, her “friends.”

“Come on Scarlett,” she called out, taking note of the empty room.

“Mommy!” Scarlett ran over to her cubby, threw on her book bag and gave the teacher a hug before running into her mom’s arms. “I made something for you,” she said, handing over air.

“Oh, thank you.” She dropped the imaginary food in her pocket. “Come on babe, we need to get moving. Traffic is going to be bad.”

Bad it was. Poor Jelitsa sat, grinding out her commute inch by inch on Chicago’s Dan Ryan Expressway. It had been an hour and they were only half way home. Scarlett, from the backseat, rattled off myriad anecdotes and stories about her day, both real and imagined. A three year old’s life, for those who understand their language, is incredibly interesting.

Up front Jelitsa’s eyes darted from her phone to the next bumper, checking to see if her boss would send over one of those after hour “emergency” emails which meant another night at the kitchen table while her daughter watched shows on her iPad until bedtime. Her husband was traveling for work, making technology the only available babysitter.

Another minute passed before the email came. She could literally feel her blood pressure rise as the traffic became infinitely more stressful.

“Mommy?”

“What, Scarlett?”

“Can we get pasta tonight.”

“No baby, mommy has to work.”

“But I want pasta.”

“We can’t tonight! You can have something at home.” That’s when the crying started. A honk from behind served as a sharp reminder that there was a world outside her car. Her hands blistered as she squeezed into the wheel. Every sound reminding her, so vividly, that this was her life.

When they finally made it home it was nearly seven. Scarlett tossed her bag in her room, paused for a quick conversation with the dog and then pulled up Netflix on the iPad as she was instructed. Meanwhile, Jelitsa got to to work, putting in a quick pizza order on her phone before settling in.

Around nine she was finished. Scarlett, iPad slumped across her chest, had drifted off to sleep on the couch. The dog sat at her feet, keeping a watchful eye out for monsters. Carefully, Jelitsa picked up the iPad and shut it off, hoping to get her daughter to bed without waking her. At least then there’d be a peaceful ending to the day. Perhaps even a glass of wine would be in order.

As she dug in and lifted her daughter off the cushions, the dog began to growl.

“Emma!” A stern hiss. “Shh!”

The dog kept at it. Something, in her mind at least, was wrong. Jelitsa, borderline pleading, did her best to quiet down the dog but to no avail. Emma, the twenty pound, fluffy guardian of the house was never one to shirk her responsibilities, even if it meant defiance of her owner. She pulled together all the strength she could muster, and let fly a barrage of ferocious little yelps, as high pitched as they come. Scarlett woke, startled, and began to cry as Jelitsa did her best to calm her down. Emma, for that matter, hopped off the couch with her head held high as, in her mind, it was mission accomplished.

“Mommy, I want to sleep in your bed,” pleaded Scarlett. Jelitsa looked on with what little strength she had left. A toddlers voice is so irresistible at night.

“No sweetie, not tonight. You’ve got to sleep in your big girl bed.”

“But I don’t want to! Please Mommy! Please! It’s scary in my room. There’s shadows.”

“It’s okay Scarlett. I promise there are no mean shadows.”

“And there’s monsters!”

“There’s no monsters Scarlett. Come on, it’s time for bed.”

“But Mommy…”

“Scarlett!” Jelitsa lost her patience. All she wanted was a glass of wine and to sleep. For just an hour she wanted to feel like she was young and single again. Motherhood, though a blessing, had a tendency to push her to the edge of sanity. “You’re going to sleep in your bed Scarlett. You’re a big girl. Okay?”

Her daughter nodded, not in the mood for a fight. If the monsters were indeed coming, she needed to be ready.

After leaving her daughter’s room Jelitsa washed her face and settled into bed with a glass of wine. She kicked on some French Jazz for good measure and pulled out a book. Finally, some peace. Her husband texted a good night message at which Jelitsa let out an audible scoff. If only you knew! She thought. Nevertheless she responded with something witty and sweet and said she was going to bed so that he wouldn’t bother her. It was her time.

Time passed slowly. The solace, though initially pleasant, ran it’s course and she found herself missing her daughter. She debated going to get her but she was too physically and mentally worn. The best option was to go to sleep. It’s what she needed most. As if her body got the memo, she was overcome with a hypnotic sense and passed quickly into the world of dreams.

“Mommy! Moooommmmmyyyy!” Jelitsa shot up. The voice was faint and came from the hall. The clock said three thirty. “Moooommmmyyy!”

She wanted to scream out loud but managed to steady her emotions. The blanket whipped away from her as she rolled out of bed and stomped into the hall.

“What is it Scarlett?” She snapped. Her daughter stood there, helpless, her knees shaking ever so slightly. All she could do was point down the hall. “What is it? You need to go potty?” Her daughter nodded. “Then go!”

“The monsters…”

“Jesus, Scarlett I said there are no monsters! Look.” She walked down the hall and back, as if to prove something. As if the monsters wouldn’t anticipate that and hide, just for a second. Scarlett shook her head. She knew better.

“Scarlett, please, you can’t keep doing this. Mommy needs to sleep. You can’t keep waking me up.” Her daughter backed away. Just a step but it was enough to break her mother’s heart. She was, after all, first and foremost here to protect, to give her daughter strength. “Where are they?” She whispered.

Scarlett again pointed down the hall, which looked much longer than before. Jelitsa glanced quickly at her daughter before turning her attention back to the darkness. Her eyes closed and her chest rose as she took a warrior’s breath. When she opened them back up her eyes were young again. Her vision that of an imagineer.

Vines crawled up the walls and twisted around the roof meeting and hugging each other like some fortified cave. And roots dripped off them, dangling and waving like fingers indicating ‘you shall not pass.’ Off the roots and vines jumped spiders and other terrible insects with large pinchers and stingers, unafraid of anything, welcoming the passage of whatever victim dared to trepass. Deeper still were the snakes and frogs and alligators all dotting the darkness with yellow eyes and filling the silence with a melody of fear and terror. This was the lair of monsters. And as Jelitsa looked upon it with trepidation she reached back and put her hand on her daughters chest as if to say ‘not yet, I’m thinking of a plan.’

Just then she reached down towards her hip and unsheathed an old friend, a rusty sword which hadn’t been used in quite some time. From her pocket she pulled out a pouch of magic dust and blew it towards the sword. The dust did its work, sharpening and polishing up the steel to its former glory. Jelitsa stood there, holding the sword with a sense of pride as the courage it once gave her poured into her yet again. It was time for battle.

Turning to her daughter she showed off her weapon. She stood bravely, her back straight and her head up. Yes, mom’s can be warriors too. That was the message and it rang clear and true to the three year old.

“Take this,” she said, handing her daughter a small axe. “Stay behind me, use this to kill the spiders and I’ll get the snakes.” Scarlett nodded. She knew exactly what her mother was saying. “Ready?” Her daughter shook her head. “Let’s end this.”

The attack was swift and direct, a full frontal assautl. There was no other way. When it comes to final battles there’s no room for second guessing. Time and time again the sword and axe found their mark as spiders and scorpions littered the soggy ground, exposed, to be dealt a final blow with a smashing foot, as mother and daughter pressed forward. Next up were those treacherous reptiles. Jelitsa fought bravely taking on two at a time while Scarlett engaged in a masterful attack and counter attack battle with a snapping gator whose overzealousness became his downfall as Scarlett dodged and delivered a crushing blow to the gator’s head.

Together they advanced, courage and imagination the wind at their back. “Scarlett, behind you!” Yelled Jelitsa, as her daughter ducked masterfully before severing the head of a massive, hungry python. Their eyes met and as they did Jelitsa felt light for the first time in months. A smile spread out across her face, cheek to cheek, and she began to laugh. But the celebration of their pre-mature victory was cut short by a look of terror from Scarlett.

“What is it?” Asked Jelitsa. In response, she pointed towards the end of the dark forrest.

Before turning Jelitsa could hear a screech come from behind and there was a terrible heat as the creature rose from underneath a fire, undoubtedly lit from the depths of Hell.

“The monster?” She asked. Scarlett nodded, hiding behind her axe. “Listen Scarlett,” she brought her daughter in close. “Stay here. If I don’t make it, you need to be brave and fight it. Okay?” Her daughter nodded, stepped back and huddled underneath a swampy tree as Jelitsa stood and wiped her sword clean.

Stepping forward, she assessed the demon. Flipping her sword she prepared to charge but was halted by the sound of Scarlett’s little voice, “Mommy wait!” She ran over to her, “I love you.” Their arms wrapped around each other and as she kissed her daughter’s forehead, Jelitsa remembered what being a mother was all about, being a fearless warrior for her child.

Emboldened by her love she readied herself to charge. Sword in hand she let go a thunderous war cry and rushed towards the beast. And as she ran deep into her imagination, her feet glided off the floor. There was no boss to tell her she was late, to point out what she did wrong. There were no asshole drivers or rude subway riders. Here, she was a god. The only person in the world who could solve this problem. It was her moment. And take it she did, charging with vigor, ““Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!”

She felt her body lift off the floor as she flew past the monster who lunged with open mouth and claws. With a graceful spin she eluded the monster’s clutches and as she passed by she took her shot, an upward swing to the beast’s throat. When she landed back on the ground the head followed quickly, as the monster’s body began to melt away, back to the hell from which it came.

When it was over she fell to one knee, breathing heavily, sweating, elbow resting on her thigh as if honoring something sacred. Just then she felt the touch of her daughter’s hand on her shoulder. The touch was light but carried more than any other person could have given at that moment.

“You did it, Mommy. You killed the monster.” She threw her arms around her mom and squeezed tight as the walls slowly returned to normal and their weapons vanished into the locker of fantasy. As her daughter went to the bathroom Jelitsa took a final look around and wondered if it would ever feel the same to her again. If she’d always remember this or if it would fade away and disappear under a pile of new memories. She hoped it didn’t. And she hoped Scarlett would always remember it too, the night they conquered fear together.

The next night was much easier. Neither of them talked about the battle or the monsters. Scarlett went to bed without protest and fell asleep almost immediately. Imagination is a strenuous exercise for the young. In her room Jelitsa poured herself a glass of wine and opened up her book though she couldn’t concentrate. Deciding to put it away for the night, she lay in bed listening to her music and sipping her glass slowly.

Time seemed to pass quickly this night and when she moved to turn out her bedside lamp she noticed that it was almost midnight. The room went dark. As she lay in bed her eyes were thrown open by the sound of the door opening down the hall. She waited for a moment, still and slightly nervous. It wasn’t long before she heard the flush of the toilet, followed by the hiss of the sink.

She wiped tears from her eyes before she closed them again. It was now free passage for all in the land of monsters. Knowing that the world was safe, she smiled, turned over and dreamed of the next battle.

For my wife, Jelitsa.