I apologize but my attention span is currently unattended as I’m tending to tension in my shoulders’ tendons. I tend to carry stress in my spine as it blends in to my broad stature. If X-rays displayed the state of minds instead of broken bones you would see the shape of a sad boy outside of his broken home smiling with a rain cloud above his pinwheel hat. As a matter of fact, he would offer you some hot cocoa, a conversation, and a piece of his heart. He, then, would impart you with an ultimatum, love him forever or bid him farewell because when he loves, he loves with everything he possesses and undresses his feelings until they are naked and bare. He doesn’t have the ability to let go. He still thinks of Megan, a girl he met one summer when he was thirteen years old. She had cherry red lip gloss, shiny hoop earrings, curly brunette hair, a freckled nose, and her skin was fair. She loved tennis, and because she loved tennis, so. did. he. As a matter of fact, he begged his parents to buy him a tennis racket until they finally caved. He would arrive at the court an hour early and practice against the wall so he could keep up with her. The ball would go back and forth, as did their conversations and one day she just destroyed him, I mean it was embarrassing and I have heard from very reliable sources that he’d be mortified if anyone ever found this out…whoops…but after the loss came a victory. Megan announced she had a crush on him…He remembers it vividly. It was a Thursday and he stared into her hazel eyes and then they continued riding their bikes on the trail all afternoon until it was her dad picked her up. Unfortunately, it was the last day of youth camp and summer’s sunset was bidding them farewell. Throughout all of the excitement they had forgotten to exchange aol instant messenger screen names and he never. saw. her. again. Thirteen years later, the sad boy is positive Megan no longer remembers his name or the flavor of the popsicle she shared that day, but the sad boy remembers it tasting like he imagined her lips did. Cherry Red. He knows she won’t ever read this because her name has been changed. You see, the sad boy doesn’t want to be found by someone who only knows him as the kid that smiles a lot for no reason, even though they both knew she was the reason. He’s afraid of her seeing the man he is, not the man he said he’d become. Besides, X-rays do not display states of minds, so instead of showcasing the sad boy and all of his insecurities, you will only see the parts that hold these doubts into place. You’ll only know I’m sad when I choose to show you. The truth is, I hold all of these stresses in my broad shoulders because though people might find art and bravery in the words of a sad boy’s confessions it’s doesn’t do much for the girl wanting a man that can seemingly hold the universe into place.

I apologize but my attention span is currently unattended as I’m grasping for anything that will last longer than a summer fling. My shoulders have held the weight of people’s names that no longer remember mine and I’m still learning how to let them go. I’m searching for a soul that will observe my state of mind, recognize that the sun still rises over the mountains of my insecurities, and sees more than just a sad boy.

I’m so much more than a sad boy…