Somewhere Between Being Happy and Sad
The time when you spend between.
I write about living life to the fullest. Being in now. Go for life. Say yes to every opportunity. Fly to a new place. Embrace the unknown and what not.
I like to make impulsive life choices to take the leap of faith and jump into risk. I believe in planning not in worrying about the future. Opening your heart to someone whose love may not be for you. I am all here for making life changing moments.
For few days I stay happy and for few, I feel lost in the shuffle of emotions.
But what about the time that I spend between happiness and sadness. The days, when I wait for the new event new adventure to come into my life. About ordinary days when nothing special happens life just flowing on its own rhythm.
The days when someone asks me ‘how are you?’ and I struggle to figure out either I am happy or sad or I am just ok. When I live without any purpose when there is no extraordinary goal to pursue when everything seems just ok. The days when I am just living. When my heart isn’t broken or it doesn’t full either.
The moments when I am not lonely but I am not fully cherished too. I can’t say I am happy neither I can claim my sadness. I am not depressed neither I am calm. When I am not bored of my job but I want more form it.
I am not numb, not either I am content. The awareness in the now makes me count the tickle, but that does not cast titillation of overwhelm or overshadow.
When I am just comfortable floating through the life. When my lips don’t form a curve my eyes travel aloof without any temptation of thoughts.
There is a time when you are neither happy nor sad just empty. You don’t feel anything you want a shoulder to lean you want an ear to listen but at the same time you want to be alone. Just you are your space.
But I don’t want to be just here. I want to account every moment of life and make it countable. Floating throw the life is simply not me. I want to sink deeper.
I want a drive in my life. I want to be little uncomfortable. To force myself every day to achieve something bigger than I have. To build a new dream to persist.
It gives me peace and a sense of living.
I don’t want to stay so insensate to the world. I want to fall and fail, fly and wither and again rise up to reach the next destination.
I don’t want to settle until the death grabs me.
I want to find some kind of meaning in every day. Even the ones that say nothing at all. In between the excitement and dullness, in between lonely and loving.
I want to be extraordinary in my ordinary life.
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Originally published at zistboon.com on March 13, 2018.
