The (Almost) Perfect Partner?
The world is changing. The way we interact, the way we socialize, it’s all different. We used to meet people by going places and initiating conversations, often we made new friends through friends we already had.
We had social networks long before the internet ran the world and we built them much the same way adding and deleting people along the way.
Choosing who to add or subtract to our social circles is generally pretty easy when it comes to friendships but it can get quite foggy when it comes to intimate relationships. The same way the social landscape has changed so has the dating landscape.
We still use the same superficial criteria as we always have, we typically wouldn’t approach someone we weren’t attracted to, only now it’s swipe left or swipe right. We are left with someone’s bio to determine whether or not to engage, then all sorts of bullshit can ensue. Unsolicited dick pics, ghosting, cat fishing, etc.
Does it have to be this way? Is there an easier way? Is there a better way?
Full disclosure, my experience with swiping is minimal. If I’m completely honest when I did use those apps it was generally for entertainment purposes mocking profiles with friends. Keep it real, some of that shit is hilarious!
Moving on…
We all know what we don’t want. I know when I got divorced I didn’t want my next relationship to be like my marriage and I didn’t want my next partner to be like my ex wife. That was about it.
I’m sure I’m not alone in this.
Most of us can pretty quickly fire off the stuff we want none of, but if I asked you to list your ideal partner, could you?
I sure as hell couldn’t. Not then, anyway!
Then I was given a great suggestion, one I now pass onto you.
You’re welcome!
It was suggested that I write an ideals list. A list of traits I would look for in a partner.
This list was a game changer!
Finally I had a filter through which I could determine whether or not a person was suitable to me. There may have been more swiping to do but it made it easier to know whether or not to initiate or continue a conversation.
None of us like wasting time, do we? I’m all for efficiency and an ideals list is an efficient way to filter through potential partners.
So if you’re sick of swiping and ready for something real and lasting, do yourself (and your future partner) a favor, focus on what you want! Use this as your filter and your rate of success increases exponentially.
Let me add this last part, when it comes to diet and exercise I follow what I call the “80/20 Rule” I know if I stay on track 80% of the time I will maintain my current goals and still have an enjoyable lifestyle.
The same rule applies to relationships. You’re highly unlikely to find someone that meets 100% of your criteria BUT the person who meets 80% will probably add some value you didn’t think of that more than covers the distance.
The point is this, knowing what you want will serve you far better than focusing on what you don’t want. On its face, you’re already starting with a negative and if you’re a little Woo-Woo like I am, that’s no bueno!
You empower what you focus on! It’s really that simple. If you focus on what you don’t want, you’ll be surprised how often that thing will find you.
Focus on what you want and that’s when the magic happens!
