The “Almosts” are as Valid as the “Reals.”

You weren’t mine, but you were mine, and that sucks.

It’s a Tuesday morning and you wake up feeling refreshed, warm, and you are smiling. You await that simple, but comforting “good morning :)” text message from the person who has turned your life around. Your phone beeps. You read the message and everything feels right.

The rest of the day is spent texting, or FaceTiming about the most random things. He watches you put on your make up or she listens to you explain how annoying your family is being.

The time is filled with many laughs, insiders, and smiles. You both are simply talking, but it is the kind of talking that makes you want to talk to each other forever. The talking that never gets awkward or weird. The talking that is so easy. This is the kind of talking that makes you excited about the days to come.

But then, by some crazy, unknown force in the universe, the talking stops. This person, someone you could once message out of the blue, doesn’t reply as fast anymore. They make excuses. They find ways to try and let you down easily. The talking becomes one-sided and you are left with questions unanswered and stories not fully explained. They bring out the infamous, “it is not you it’s me,” or the “I feel like this is going too fast” lines.

It is over. This person, the one you had the funniest jokes with, cannot do “whatever this is” anymore. You lost something…but it was never really a relationship.

It was an almost relationship.

No matter how intense it was, or how long it lasted, the pain and heartbreak you feel from it won’t ever make sense. You will feel guilty for being so upset, and then you’ll feel confused because you do not know how you’re supposed to react to losing something that was never really yours. You can’t really explain it to your friends or your mom. You can’t really explain it to yourself.

How can you feel so much for something that was never defined?

You will lay in bed, in the darkest parts of the nights, questioning everything.

Was any of it real?

Did he/she ever even like me?

Why did it seem so easy to just toss something so good away?

I’ve been there. I have lied awake in bed wondering all the reasons why something that seemed so easy had to hurt so badly. I have cried at the certainity that your reason for leaving will forever be uncertain. I have hated myself for feeling so lost and confused about a guy who was “not really mine.”

An almost relationship ending is the same as the flat line to something you’re not even sure had a heartbeat.

These endings will hurt just as much as the real break-ups and the real heartbreaks.

Except you need to understand that this one is real and it is valid too. You did not make-up the way this person made you feel. You lost someone who made you laugh. You lost someone who you cared for. You lost someone who wanted to know you.

And it hurts. It should hurt.

You gave away parts of you to a person who you thought could be long-term. Do not feel bad for mourning this loss. Especially if this person was the first one in a while who made you feel so hopeful and rejuvenated.

You’re allowed to be upset. You’re allowed to eat tons of ice cream. You’re allowed to treat this like any other break up.

The ending to almost relationships might hurt a little more than the endings to actual relationships because you lose your could be. You lose your what if. You lost your almost. It seemed so attainable, so in your reach, but then it was gone.

Do not underestimate how heartbreaking it is to lose your hope. This almost relationship is over, and you will never attain the closure you need to understand why it had to happen, but remember that this pain is vaild.

And you’re allowed to feel it.