The Day I Bumped Into My Ex
Do you ever look back at some incidents in your life and wonder: How did I survive that?
About 7 months ago, I felt the second most significant pain I encountered in my life: heartbreak.
The first, as some of you might wonder was the death of my grandfather and a VIP member of the Papas Squad that raised me. But that’s, I assume, another story.
So, what is all this about?
Relationships..again. (If you look back at my first medium post, you might conclude that I’m a fan of the topic).
But, this time, it’s a different tale to tell.
The glorious (and awkward) moment I’ve been waiting for has finally come:
I bumped into my ex.
And?
Well, I felt nothing.
Absolutely NOTHING.
Except for a major disappointment in the universal laws that made me run into him during one of my “lazy outfits” days. But, I’ve got to believe that that’s how it’s wired.
I was over my ex.
So today, I believe I’m in the right position to say:
It does get better
I feel that this sentence is so cliché that I’ve probably seen it one hundred times before in different blog posts/ youtube videos and romcoms. The kind of stuff you fill your day with after break-ups. When your routines tragically switch from wake up at six, work out, listen to a podcast and take a shower (never been me anyway) to wake up when you feel like it ( and f*** it, you never feel like it), eat last night’s leftovers (if you had any and didn’t go to bed completely wasted) and watch Eat, Pray, Love while questioning your life decisions for the past 20 years.
Let’s face it, that’s how a breakup looks like.
Well, the good news is, it does get better.
I frankly don’t know how to put it in a less overused way.
It is what it is. Time will work its magic.
and you will get there.
When you do, you’ll feel relieved and free, at last.
You’ll fall in love again (Or at least, you’ll like someone new)
I haven’t personally fallen in love again yet. But that’s because I don’t want to put the effort it takes at this point in my life. And I still feel like detoxing.
However, I remember that during the first phases of the separation, I was sure that it’ll take me a long time to like anyone new. Fast forward few months later, I do find a lot of folks attractive and genuinely interesting.
Here’s a little fact: your rational, reasonable, trustworthy brain turns into a drama queen when you’re heartbroken, or in pain, generally speaking.
When I published the first post on heartbreak, a friend commented on how he can relate on a personal level and someone of our common network expressed his immense surprise. The first guy, as we see him, is confident and successful. The kind you probably imagine as a bad-ass go-getter. The ones we never think of as emotional beings. As humans.
This is a reminder that most people around us have felt something similar in their lives, they survived it and their future selves weren’t necessarily prominently influenced by it. -Cases of emotional, physical, sexual abuse and unhealthy relationships demand a deeper analysis-
Tips to alleviate the pain:
If you find yourself in desperate need to vent out, you can check some groups on Reddit that I found extremely helpful (breakups, for instance).
It’s an uplifting community of people facing the same challenges and empowering each other.
You can write and publish what you wrote to the world or keep it to yourself.
Some even assume that writing a letter to your ex (without actually sending it off) is an effective method to discharge.
For me, movies really helped. Watching fictional characters live a disturbingly unrealistic love story tricked my mind into thinking that the best is yet to come.
I know, silly brain of mine.
Usually, I’m quite a private person. And I love to keep my sh*t away from the public eye. AKA the internet for most people or, if you’re unlucky enough to be Trump, Russians (and the internet).
After my breakup, however, nothing helped me heal better than knowing that someone out there has successfully gone through the endeavour.
The messy part about breakups or any hardship in life is their power to drive you into believing that the pain is endless. The illusion of infinite grief is mentally destructive. And the first days, nothing seems to be moving forward.
That’s because healing takes time. Understanding the disadvantages of your previous situation or your so-called fairy tale love story takes time.
Overcoming the shock and becoming fully aware of what happened takes time. Identifying what was dysfunctional takes time and a strong WILL.
This post is intended to be out there in the vast boundless internet in the hopes that someone who needs it comes across it. Millions of people felt the same, are currently feeling the same and humanity will continue to feel the same in the future. Or so I hope. Before the breakthrough of AI the way Hollywood portrays it.
The day we stop periodically feeling pain is the day we stop living.
If you have reached this point, THANK YOU. And I bet you’re probably wondering: what happened after you bumped into him?
Well, the answer is in the first paragraph: NOTHING.
We ignored each other like the good strangers we have become. Even though I love to believe that he didn’t see me, I don’t need an extra reason to dislike the guy anyway.
I went into the first store, not to appear confused in the middle of the crowds, almost fell off while my brain kept processing what just happened and then realized it: I was finally over him.
And so you will.
