The sexting generation
“What are you wearing?” the message read. I looked down at my fluffy socks, my tracksuit pants and slightly over-sized soccer jersey. I was certain that this is definitely not the image he had in mind when he sent the message. In my defense, I don’t know of too many women who laze around in red, lacy lingerie when they get home from work.
I opened the message and not wanting to expose the potential date to the image of me in fluffy socks so early on in the courtship, I casually responded, “Nothing too fancy. What are you up to?”. There are many variations of the appropriate response, and being an extrovert who is very fond of her mobile phone, I thought I had seen them all. I was wrong. A picture was sent in return with the caption “Just thinking of you.” I hurriedly opened the pic, expecting puppies being stroked, perhaps kittens frolicking in a field of sunflowers, a picture of a sunset, but nothing prepared for what I actually received. It was an image of something being stroked, just not a puppy. There, in all its glory, staring back at me, was the rather excited male appendage. Standing tall and proud, it seemed to wink at me.
I gasped, I giggled, I threw my phone down on the couch in disbelief, and picked it up again just to check I hadn’t seen something incorrectly. This ritual was repeated a few times, until my phoned vibrated again, not with excitement, but because I tend to keep my phone on silent. “What do you think?”
What do I think?! How do you even respond to that? Was, “It’s nice.” the appropriate response? Having said that, was it really nice to be exposed to such an eye full with no forewarning? I certainly did not want to encourage the obviously misguided male into thinking this was something pleasant to receive on my screen from a practical stranger. Could perhaps, “Wow” be a better response? I certainly was wowed, but probably not in the way he wanted me to be. The silent moments from my side seemed a little too lengthy and my phone vibrated to life again, “Can I get one?”. Finally! A question I could answer with no hesitation at all. Absolutely not, was my response. The misguided male, in a sulky tone wrote back, “Oh, okay then, maybe next time.”
Next time? This isn’t usually a once off attempt? I was caught off guard by this exchange, usually by the time I have seen that much of a man, a meal has been shared, a conversation taken place, and last names exchanged. It’s almost as though the simple start of two people meeting with “Hi my name is Joe, can I have your number and here is mine.” had been replaced with “Hi my name is Joe, can I have a nudie, and here is mine.”
Was this something common? Have I been so sheltered that I missed out on some sexting trend that preceded a verbal communication? Apparently yes, and from the discussions I’ve had with my friends this trend seems to span various age bands. From the young and inquisitive twenty year olds, to the older more experienced forty year old males, age didn’t factor into the comfort level of sending various degrees of nudies to potential sexting partners. And relationship status wasn’t a barrier either. The seductive pictures were meant to entice a sexy message exchange or a video chat with as little clothing as possible. All I could think about was how stressful this must be for the women, who now have to ensure they’re well groomed even for a telephonic exchange. I, however, admired the economics of this arrangement. It was definitely cheaper than visiting a strip club or utilizing the “charge by the minute” phone sex line.
The misguided male continued to message me, to my relief without pictures, but the messages always led to the same question. “What are you wearing?”. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a prudish person. If sending sexy pics to your partner creates more intimacy or keeps the passion going I am all for it. If you are separated from your partner and intimate messages, pictures and videos make you feel closer to each other, and make the days that you are apart pass quicker, enjoy it. The difference is that the physical intimacy has already been created, trust has been earned and the chemistry built on real, physical experiences between the two of you. This new trend I was struggling to wrap my mind around.
In an effort to put my new found knowledge to the test, I decided to inquire whether the misguided male was in fact involved with someone. The response was so innocent that I couldn’t even get annoyed by it, “Yes, why? Is that a problem?”
It was a big problem for me, and I gently made that point. This was not to be the end of my sexting etiquette education though. It seems that the practice is deemed acceptable if no one will know about it, and there are even apps that leave no evidence trail of the messages exchanged. I’ve had numerous titles in my love life, girlfriend, lover, wife. Sexting side chick just didn’t seem up my alley, even digital mistress wouldn’t quite cut it. Adding to that, I wouldn’t intentionally do something that would end up hurting another person. I understood the irony that I was more concerned about the misguided male’s partner getting hurt than he was. I felt pity for the unsuspecting girl. Her partner didn’t consider what he was doing was cheating as nothing physical had happened, but knew it was wrong enough not to want to be honest with her about his texting hobby. Was the sexting generation leading to a cheating generation? Cheating websites would no longer be necessary, this is convenience at your finger tips, or the palm of your hand.
This sexting trend, for a woman who is dating in the digital age, left me with one question. Is this the start of women having to compete with Siri in the bedroom eventually?
