The Unsent Letter — Part Two
My wonderful Rob,
It’s been a month now — and I how I regret my last moment with you. I wasn’t strong enough to help you and now I’ve sentenced you to a terrible life of hunting flesh. Well, I guess it’s no life at all.
I hear moans sometimes at the edge of the forest and I wonder if its you. It can’t be of course, you will be miles away by now, but I like to think you’re still near me. I wonder if you can remember me at all? Or have all of your memories been taken by the vicious virus that took you from me?
As time moves on, life is getting harder for the group. Our food supplies are dwindling, and Maisy has become very sick. We have planned a run to the local hospital, but it will be dangerous; we are wondering how much time we have left here. Derek has been helpful since you became infected, he has supported me as I lead the group, but it is hard to keep them hopeful when I can’t guarantee a future for them.
I felt I had more power when you were here. All I needed to hear from you was a word of encouragement, or you would give me a look that would inspire me to believe in myself. But now my future looks darker without my wonderful husband by my side, pushing me on, making me feel alive. My love for you is still as strong as ever, it feels like it will never fade but then I remember that you’re gone and a terrible pain sears through me, like a bolt of lightning is entering my body each time I realise that I will never hold you again.
I try not to imagine what you are like now. I always think of you with your goofy, crooked smile and your raspy laugh that always made me feel like I was glowing. But at night, during my fitful sleep, my dreams are filled of your upright, shuffling corpse. Your haunting moans demanding human flesh, your lifeless eyes seeing nothing in particular. I wake up in a sweat, gasping for breath, trying to erase the image from my brain. I cannot know you this way, you must always remain my Rob in my mind.
There has been scattered talk throughout the group of moving on soon. I know this is logical and will be needed, but it breaks my heart to think that I may have to leave the home that we made together, where we welcomed people and created a post-apocalyptic family. But our family has needs, and those needs may take me away from you.
At night, when the others have begun their night’s sleep and the guard has changed over, I sometimes sit in our back garden, rolling my wedding ring between my fingers. My other hand finds your wedding ring attached to a chain around my neck. This was your last gesture before you ran away, the moment you pulled your ring off and gently tossed it onto the ground before me. I knew you couldn’t kiss me, you couldn’t hold me, but this final gesture felt like these things combined. I told you I loved you and picked up your ring, the last gift you would give me. And then you were gone.
So, I sit here and remember the moment when you gazed at me lovingly under the fading summer sun, the red dusk spilling in through the trees, and you told me that you would love me forever. Its my favourite moment with you, and how I will remember you.
Yours forever,
Delilah xxx
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See also ‘The Unsent Letter — Part 1’ in P.S I Love You: https://psiloveyou.xyz/the-unsent-letter-part-one-d6b8cda19ce
