Things You Probably Shouldn’t Say On A First Date

A conversational faux pas compendium

“My therapist says it’s a whole new condition.”

“I know this great little Italian-Thai-Mexican hybrid restaurant.”

“I imagined you’d be way skinnier.”

“Yeah, but I feel like I graduated from high school.”

“The Hangover 3 was the funniest movie of all time.”

“The real trouble started after my second IRS audit.”

“I didn’t mean it in a racist way, though.”

“You look exactly like a robot with skin.”

“Rollerblading takes precedence over everything else in my life.”

“Let’s make America great again.”

“My parents won’t let me stay out past 9 p.m.”

“Do ingrown hairs frighten you?”

“I’m struggling to get my travel agency off the ground.”

“‘chronic masturbator’ is such a subjective term.”

“Which Sex and the City character are you?”

“Let’s see who can fit the most burrito in their mouth.”

“I opted for the 400 hours of community service instead.”

“I sleep on the top bunk.”

“For only $2,000, you could own a portion of an Orlando timeshare.”

“_______ crossfit _______.”

“It’s complicated.”

“Earth is only two-thousand years old.”

“SPRING BREAK!!!!!”

“The supreme leader is going to love you.”

“This went great. I sure hope to do it again.”