Was It Good for You?
Somewhere between fifteen and twenty swipes Jessica finally landed on a guy with some promise. She clicked on his profile and started digging into the pictures, zooming in more like a detective looking for some form of deception rather than someone looking for love. After lingering a minute or two she determined it was time to bring in a second opinion, turning to Lauren for a sanity check.
“What do you think about this guy? He looks pretty cute.”
Lauren snatched the phone and launched into her own detective work, a skeptical brown raised the entire time. “Yeah, not bad. Visuals are okay but what do the reviews say?”
“Reviews?”
“You’ve seriously been out of the game for too long. Watch, see this icon down here, you just click on it and voila — reviews.”
Jessica stared at the phone with amazement. Something about reading reviews on an app called ‘Was it Good for You’ felt weird, dirty even. Nevertheless, the information had an intoxicating quality. How could she not dig in?
“Holy shit,” Jessica said, “this dude has thirty-four reviews. How many dates has he been on?”
“Seriously Jess, thirty-four? That’s not even that much. I have over a hundred.”
“A hundred? Slutty anyone?”
“Ha! Oh please, it’s not like I slept with all of them. And even if I had, what of it? Times have changed. But, you’re missing the point. It’s not about fucking or even the dating. It’s about the reviews. It’s like a sort of performance art. I love it. As far as I’m concerned WGY is, like, the best thing ever to happen to dating.”
“WGY?”
“Was it Good for You. Come on Jess, focus!”
“I don’t get it though. Why would you want a bunch of random people reading about how good you are in bed? Or on dates? It feels weird.”
“Yeah, I know. And believe me, I felt the same way when I was a WGY virgin. But after you get a couple reviews then it becomes sort of addicting. Like it’s kinda hot even. I’ve actually gone back out with guys who gave me a good review and fucked them for it.”
“Ha ha, are you serious? Don’t let that cat out of the bag or you’ll have a long list to work through.”
“Oh stop! It’s not that. But, it was kinda flattering. It’s like reading erotica about you. It can be a turn on, trust me. I mean how often have you wondered what somebody thought about you, but you were too afraid to ask? This takes away the mystery, let’s you know how to get better.”
“I guess I can see that.” Jessica was slowly coming around. If anything she was intrigued enough to continue. “Okay, well let’s see what people think about this guy.”
“And check it out. You can filter, see right here. You can read about dating performance or if you click here, sexual performance. Also if you click here you can see things like profile accuracy.”
“Alright, here goes. Where should I start?”
“Sex! Come on Jess, is that even a question?”
“Shouldn’t I start with dating? There’s no guarantee I’d sleep with him if we went out.”
“Right, but what’s the point of going out if you know that sleeping with him isn’t even a possibility. Might as well watch Netflix and masturbate. At least you wouldn’t have to get out of your sweats for that.”
“You’re crazy. But I guess that makes sense. Okay, here goes.”
The two friends pushed up next to each other as if huddled around a small fire. The reviews were suprisingly exhaustive and as Jessica read through them she couldn’t help feel sick about the prospect of somebody spelling out in detail what she was like in bed. At the same time, reading about other men was fun and instantly addictive.
“I’m bored. I think we can move on,” Lauren broke in.
“Already? Why?”
“Really? Look at this, ‘while Jason wasn’t really my taste, I like men who are a little more assertive in bed, I could see somebody who’s only had sex a couple times enjoying him. If you’ve still got your training wheels on, go for it. If not, move on.’ You’re telling me you want somebody that boring?”
“Well, that was his first review. Maybe he’s improved since then. Let’s read one of the more recent ones.”
“Oh god.”
“What?”
“You already like this guy. I can tell. Don’t fall for that little puppy bullshit. Get what you deserve. You’re in a different league.”
“Am I? I just got out of a two year relationship. I mean, I’ve been having sex with the same person for a while. Maybe I’m a little rusty.”
“Don’t be silly. Long term relationship are when you amp up the skills. You can try out all that new shit. You have to right? Or else — I mean, that would be boring as hell.”
“Right,” there was a hint of embarrassment in Jessica’s voice. Lauren always made her feel less confident. And, it was true — she was starting to like this guy. She felt protective of him for some reason.
“Well let’s pull up one of the other reviews then. Then we can move on.”
“This one is a little better.”
“Ugh, better?! Jess, you can’t be serious.”
“What’s wrong? Look, it says, ‘Jason was so delicate and caring. I wish we could have had something more long term.’ What’s wrong with that?”
“Jess, the girl who wrote this is obviously boring or she has a self confidence problem. Look what it says right here, ‘I appreciated Jason’s more traditional approach to sex. There’s something nice these days about a guy who appreciates missionary with the lights off.’ Lights off?! What the fuck! She might as well have said she likes to listen to Moby while doing it. Blah! Next.”
“Jeez, you’re so harsh.”
“You should be harsh. You’re time is valuable, don’t waste it on the Jasons of the world. Plus, look at the reviews he’s written. See, here. Yeah, look at that. This guy is a little puppy. Probably still goes to church on Sundays.”
“What’s wrong with church?”
“Jess, snap out of it! You’re coming out of a long term relationship. Have some fun! At least have some fun first, then we’ll find you a nice little altar boy. Sound good?”
“Yes, you’re right. I guess, you’re right.”
“Good, now let me see that. I’ll find you somebody. You just sit back and relax. By the way, we really need to re-do your profile too.”
Lauren got to work at amazing speed. In less than an hour she had already set up three dates for Jessica with apparently interesting and exciting men. By the end of it, Jessica had to admit that she was looking forward to the dates though she was nervous at the same time. That was nothing new. Dating always made her nervous. She was generally unsure of herself but, after being out of the dating game for so long, she felt fully unprepared. So much had changed and this whole review business left her uneasy.
Her first date was on Thursday. She arrived at the bar early enough to finish a glass of wine alone and loosen up. She was fidgety in her chair. She still couldn’t get over the idea that her performance was going to be reviewed. She didn’t want to fuck up her first date. It was five minutes or so until Sean, the man she was meeting, was set to show up. On the table she saw she had a text from Lauren. Don’t be nervous! Good luck! The message had the reverse effect and her stomach was one giant spin cycle. A moment later he walked in and, reluctantly, she threw up her hand.
“Hi, I’m Jessica,” she gave him a hard, two pump shake.
“Hand shake, huh. Nice and firm. You in sales or something?”
“No, I’m sorry. I don’t know — it’s been a while, I guess. I don’t remember how any of this works.”
“No worries,” he smiled. “I noticed that you didn’t have any reviews so I figured you must be new to this.”
“Yeah, what do you think about those reviews anyway? It’s a little weird, right?”
“I think it’s great actually. I mean, if I’m going to a new restaurant it’s nice to know that others have enjoyed the food, you know?”
Jessica shuddered at the analogy. Was she the food? “Uh, yeah. That makes sense.”
“Plus it’s good to get the feedback too. It can get a little addicting to be honest.”
“You actually react to it?”
“It’s kind of impossible not to. If you mess up you want to get better. It’s just natural. And knowing that other people are going to see it, you don’t really have a choice. Again, if you’re a rest…”
“The food, yep I gotcha.”
“Right. I was going to say the service, but you get the point.”
“It’s still so weird to me. And how do you ensure honesty? Like, if I see that you’ve written a bad review about me then won’t I just do the same in return?”
“Yeah, that’s part of the brilliance of the design. I can’t read your review about me until I’ve written one about you. After that we can’t change it. You can add a comment under your original review but that’s it. So even if you write something bad and change your mind later you have to write a new comment. That way people can see everything and judge for themselves.”
“Huh, that is pretty brilliant.”
“Enough about reviews. Let’s talk about you.” Jessica wasn’t terribly interested in talking about herself, nor was she very interested in Sean. This whole review business was just impossible to shake. For the rest of the evening she kept thinking about what he might say about her, what she did wrong and what her “strengths” were. Every sentence, every laugh and smile all seemed to be crafted around the fact that this date would eventually be editorialized online.
Some three glasses of wine in she had already made up her mind that they would sleep together, pending some colossal fuck up. She needed the “feedback,” needed to see what somebody had to say about her. Her ex and her never really had these conversations. Even when they broke up they didn’t have an honest conversation about what went wrong. The only thing that was clear was that too much was wrong to continue. Now she needed specifics.
Her alarm went off at seven the next morning. They had sex at Sean’s place but she had no interest in staying the night. Almost immediately after it was over she rushed home, opened her laptop and got to writing. She needed to make sure her review was out there so that she could read his. Generally she was pretty positive about the experience. She was upfront that he wasn’t her cup of tea but that she had a pleasant night. Using his analogy she wrote, ‘if Sean were a restaurant, I wouldn’t eat there again but I would encourage others to give it a shot.’
At work she couldn’t focus. She kept waiting for her phone to notify her that the review was in. She was so anxious she nearly forgot she had another date tonight. And tomorrow. How could she prepare for them without understanding how she did with Sean? By lunchtime she started to get angry and nearly pulled out her phone to send him a text. What would she even say? Hey motherfucker, where’s my review? Why not just ask, was it good for you? Why did it have to show up in the app? The whole thing felt so fucked up.
At four o’clock she began to pack up her things. She didn’t get shit done all day and was annoyed that she’d most likely need to work the weekend to catch up. Fucking asshole Sean, she thought. What made things worse is that there wasn’t much time before her next date. She needed to rush home, shower and meet Jared at six-thirty downtown. By this time she wondered if it was even worth it. Outside she waited for the bus. It was a five minute ride back to her apartment. As she took her seat she felt her phone buzz. This is it! The review was in. Her stomach turned as she began to read.
When she finished, a wry smile crept up her face. ‘Jessica was great company and a pleasure to talk with. She’s got a sweet and somewhat reserved demeanor but don’t be fooled guys, she’s a powerhouse in bed. I hope to see her again but if I don’t, whoever ends up with Jessica is a lucky man.’
As she stepped off the bus the phone buzzed again. It was Lauren, “Powerhouse?! You whore!”
Her feet were light as she climbed the stairs to her apartment. She couldn’t wait for her next date. Music blasted at top volume as she got ready. It was straight out of a cheesy 80's movie but she didn’t care. This is the way a powerhouse does it.
The date with Jared wasn’t particularly notable but the whole time she couldn’t wait to get him into bed. He was the type of guy who only fit a one night stand. And the thought of being reviewed again was thrilling. The routine was the same as with Sean. Drinks, sex, home, laptop, review. This time she was much more detailed and oddly enough the writing and reminiscing was — like Lauren said — erotic. As she finished and went to bed her last thought before closing her eyes was why did it take so long to break up with her ex.
She woke up late the next morning, letting herself sleep in. This time there were two notifications waiting for her. The first was her review. Her stomach tightened up as she read it. The feeling quickly turned to pure elation. ‘Jessica is so incredible in bed it’s going to be impossible not to think about her no matter who I’m with. She might have just ruined sex for me.’
Ironically the second message was from Jason. The puppy dog. She peered at it for a second before re-reading her reviews. After which she quickly dismissed his note, laughing at how just two days ago she was defending him. All day long messages from Sean, Jared and Lauren poured in. She never felt so wanted, desired. Her confidence was at an all time high. She felt so good she went out and bought herself a new dress for her date with Mark.
The date was much the same as the previous two except she was lighter, bouncy, brimming with confidence. She wasn’t sure but it felt like he was intimidated by her. It was a major turn on. The whole time it felt as if they were speeding through their drinks. She was so comfortable time was like a light breeze and she was a sprinter. Sex with Mark was wonderful. It’s amazing how much sexual pleasure is dependent on your own self worth.
When it was all over she got up, gathered her things and made to leave.
“Do you want to stay?” Asked Mark.
“Oh, I don’t sleep over on the first date.”
“Can I see you again?” He was the first to ask her that. There was a clear break in his voice. He was nervous, outmatched. It was almost touching. The words lingered there for a while before Jessica really processed them. When she finished, she grabbed her purse and headed for the door. Before leaving, she turned around and said the only thing she could think of.
“Leave me a good review and we’ll see.”
