We Are Headed North
“If you wish to find yourself, you must first admit you are lost.” — Brian Rathbone
Two years ago
Two years ago, I left my house to find my home. But that was two years ago. And to be ruthlessly honest, the place where I am right now is far from what I thought was home. I thought to leave was enough to fill the gap of my seeking heart. But little did I know, it only widens the gap between me and my home people.
Two years ago, I was fully determined to take the risk of living away from home in a huge foreign city. There’s the thrill of meeting new people, going to places I haven’t yet been, doing things I’ve never done, and all the fun of my new found life and freedom. I get directions from google map as I roam the streets of the city. I rode buses completely ignorant of the route. I don’t care where it’s gonna take me. At that moment, I felt like an early human during the Stone Age, or what I recall from my history class; Nomads of the Ice Age. People who traveled throughout the year with no permanent addresses and structures to settle in.
I felt like a superhuman. I felt like Alice in Wonderland, like Dorothy in the Land of Oz or like Peter Pan in Neverland. I felt like — Moana. The feeling was fulfilling and satisfying in a way that it fills that particular something that the soul always yearns for. But unlike Peter Pan, I have to grow up.
A year ago
1 year ago, I found myself lost. I couldn’t go on sleeping on buses or trains or spending my days and nights in 24/7 fast-food chains and resto-bars. Eventually, I got tired of using public restrooms. I passed by a store with huge mirrors on the wall and I took a good look at myself. My hair looks like a haystack. I haven’t combed it for three days. My shoes are okay though. They’re black so you can’t make out the dirt. But really, I felt like I haven’t taken a bath for a year. I panicked. I can’t be homeless for the rest of my life. I left to find a home. Where am I now?
I ended up renting myself a room on the 3rd floor of an old apartment building. I settled in. Placed my things on the closet, made my bed, bought groceries, and cooked my food. From Nomadic living, I sort of became a gatherer. I looked at my phone to check my location. It says, 10° North, 123° East. Okay, I don’t care google map. I don’t know where I am, and where I’m going. I am lost.
The gap in my heart grew even wider. I was making a spectacle of myself. I am alone here, and I am lost.
I closed my eyes and I introspect. I remember my Orienteering lessons back when I was in high school. When you are lost, in the middle of a forest you should always go north where the compass always points. At first, I wondered why north? Why not south, east, or west? Why does it always have to be north? I asked my mentor about that and his answers echoed in my mind at that very moment.
“When you are lost, it doesn’t matter which direction you go as long as you head in one. It is important to know which way is north but not necessary to always head north. It is entirely up to you, as long as you see to it that you are taking one direction like a straight line.”
Turns out, I could go east, west or south or north, and I will almost always find my way out. However, that principle applies when you are physically lost. But how about when you are lost in something that is not physical? What about when you’re lost in finding your place in the world? When you don’t know what you’re doing and where you are going anymore? It was so frustrating. How am I able to identify which way to go?
You see, life is not a map of destinations. It’s more of like a labyrinth where you are met with corners after corners, traps, and surprises and the end is when you’re finally out, and you look back at the life that you have lived that you never had the time to figure.
Does the north principle apply in the labyrinth? No. It does not.
6 Months Ago
Six months ago, I sat in a diner alone. The diner had huge windows where I can see the people passing by. Then I saw this old man who appeared on the corner. He was wearing sunglasses, his left hand tucked in the pocket of his long overcoat. I watched as he navigates the corner of the street by touching the walls with his right hand. He was blind. I watched him intently as he did that, at the same time wondering why he does not have his cane with him. I decided to go out of the diner to at least lend some help. It’s not like it’s gonna cost me anything. I didn’t know I was about to hear the best lesson that’s gonna change my life for the long run.
“Good day sir, may I help you? Did you not brought your cane? It’s a long day ahead.”
The old man chuckled. “Oh, I always pass by this street every morning to get to Radison’s down that alley over there. It’s crazy how I always forgot my cane. Anyway, I am used to it.” He replied. His face beaming. Like he’s always happy. “I know this is a window and not a wall.” He chuckled as he knocked on the diner’s huge glass windows. I laughed along with him.
“But what if you get lost?” I asked him.
“Nah, it seldom happens. I know the right-hand rule. Always works for me.” He replied showing his right hand in front of me.
The Right-Hand Rule.
I learned the right-hand rule. I have learned that when you are lost, you first ask yourself, do you want to be found? And if the answer is yes, you must first admit that you are lost. That is where the right-hand rule applies. You start by touching the wall or hedge of the labyrinth, then keep that hand touching the wall and keep walking. This will probably take a long long journey of walking, maybe even stumbling, but it’s gonna take you out. Inside the labyrinth of life, I feel like the old blind man. Not seeing where he’s going, but taking the road anyhow.
So 3 months ago,
I touched the hedge of my labyrinth and started my journey out. What I mean when I said ‘journey out’ is not something like giving up the free-spirited person that I am. I can’t live the rest of my life going on a merry-go-round. It’s more of like accepting that life’s journey is more than just play. It’s about taking the time to absorb and gather life’s meaning without rushing. I didn’t accidentally enter the labyrinth and got myself lost in there. We all have our own labyrinth because it is a metaphor for life’s journey.
I learned that we don’t get lost, sometimes when things are not going well, we like to believe that we are. But we don’t get lost. There’s no north, south, east or west. There are only the labyrinth and the hedge. Just place your right hand and trust where the wall will take you. Because that wall is like a compass whose hand always points to the magnetic north. That wall will always lead you towards the place where your soul is home.
