What 8-Mile taught me about relationships…

We all know the scene; Eminem, arguably the greatest rapper of all time, microphone in hand, poised, ready to unload a barrage of raps that will decimate his opponent’s self worth and send the crowd into an uproar. But something is different… Why is he taking his time? Is he building suspense? Suddenly, things are starting to look a little grim…. Oh no! He’s choking!

It’s hard to disconnect the character from the actor in the scene. The weight of watching one of the greatest lyricists, of all time, come up short in a high pressure moment boggles our minds. It’s almost unbelievable.

The brilliance of the scene is this particular moment. This moment where a god, appears to be human. A moment when the greatest ever, loses. Where the invincible hero, sees defeat.

That’s the moment we call all relate to. We aren’t heroes, we aren’t greats, we are average. We choke, we fall, we fail, often, sometimes privately, other times publicly.

This is the moment where our character becomes the hero. He choked but we know what his potential is, we know he is the greatest. Surely he knows too! There’s no way he will give up and walk away in defeat.

This is precisely the moment that our similarities with the hero erode. Most of us, when we choke, walk away defeated. We have faced our giants, we have had our opportunities and we have come up short! Unlike our hero, our natural tendency is to run with our tail tucked between our legs.

You see, most of our “choking” doesn’t occur on a stage or in the limelight. No instead, our choking, I’m using figurative language here, usually happens in private, but it can feel equally disastrous!

But! Just like our hero in 8-Mile, Eminem, we can position ourselves to have another shot at success. We can fight against nature and become the hero of our own story.

How does this relate to relationships? I’m so glad you asked! I really was taking a long time to get to my point there. My apologies…

Let me paint a picture for you. For the sake of my illustration; you and I are Eminem. Our prospective partner is the opposing rapper. And the lyrics are our imperfections.

Let that sink in for a second and the analogy is sure to make more sense!

Catching on? Great!

Most of us when approaching a new, or potential, relationship come prepared with our “A-Game”! Our utility belt of tools to address our general awesomeness. We are usually pretty comfortable in this space.

But then something happens.

Something comes up that causes us to suddenly feel insecure or vulnerable. We don’t know how to respond. We freeze. We choke. So concerned are we with how the other person is going to view us that we forget all the awesomeness we had memorized and now we are in a tailspin headed for destruction.

Crash and burn!

Then we’re left picking up the pieces. Hoping that we can piece together the wreckage into something resembling what once was!

But that’s not the way a hero would react, is it?

We are planning to be the hero of this story, right?

No our hero doesn’t react that way at all! No, a hero fights! He embraces his imperfections, he laughs at his own perceived shortcomings, and rather than hiding them or running from them, he uses them for his own good! Suddenly, his weaknesses become his strengths.

The weapons that were meant to be used against him, when he perceived them properly, became the very weapons that would lead him to victory!

So often we view our imperfections and our shortcomings in a negative light. As if everyone is perfect and we are somehow the only one missing the mark. Then we play the track where we “choke” on repeat over and over and over and over.

BUT! (This is a very big but!) When we embrace our imperfections, our flaws, our quirks, and we take ownership of them, they become powerless.

You see, our flaws and imperfections are what make us who we are. They are part of us and the truth is anyone who decides they want to be a part of our lives has to be willing to embrace them AND we have to be willing to allow them to see us fully, flaws and all!

There are obvious reasons our hero choked early on. They’re the same reasons we all tend to choke. Fear. Insecurity. Shame. The list goes on. We’ve all been there.

But our hero learned to embrace his imperfections, in fact he highlighted them! He won by being authentic! He won by embracing who he was, flaws and all, and by fearlessly letting it all hang out.

If we want to be the hero of your story, we’d be wise to do the same!

You are incredible the way you are! Anyone who doesn’t see that doesn’t deserve you! Don’t hide from your imperfections, embrace them!

That’s how you become the hero!