The Future of Online Dating
Working in the restaurant industry, I have seen a lot of dates. I’m talking awkward first dates, less awkward second dates, romantic third dates, and the occasional explosive breakup date, which are my favorite. Ask your bartender or server next time you’re out. We all secretly find pleasure in watching your oft-tumultuous relationships.
What I’ve learned is that dating is the art of companionship, and companionship can come in many shapes and forms. People go through variations of dating all the time; choosing a doctor, an employer, or even a restaurant for dinner. You could be meeting potential business partners for the first time or welcoming a new friend to a regular get-together.
Currently, I’m deciding between lawyers to hire, and teammates to share the company with. And all of these meetings require the same skills I would need on a date.
Those people are all simultaneously deciding what to think about me — that’s when things get weird. I had a coffee “date” with a designer the other day. I thought she was perfect for the role and she seemed equally excited about the opportunity. But then she turned the project down. Maybe it was something I said? Maybe the timing just wasn’t right? Either way, it just wasn’t meant to be and that’s ok.
A day later, I met someone who was even more excited about the opportunity. He even sent samples later that night! So we’re ready for our second “date.” And we’ll see what happens.
Three-Dimensional > Two-Dimensional
These days, dating — whether it’s personal or professional — is done online. Many believe that it is more convenient and effective. I believe that there is a lot of room for improvement.
Right now, dating online is so two-dimensional. Take LinkedIn or Tinder. You have your picture, some words to describe yourself, and the ability to send messages. That’s all you get! A sad little profile and a few texts. It’s like Eli Finkel says,“Encountering potential partners via online dating profiles reduces three-dimensional people to two-dimensional displays of information.” So this is supposed to replace real-life dating?
I don’t think relying on profiles, algorithms and text messages allows us to put our best foot forward when we’re looking to meet someone new. One of my best features is my charisma and enthusiasm. What good is a dating tool that doesn’t allow me to show that?
Before we look into the future of dating, we need to understand the past.
First There was This
Then craigslist classified ads, the dating game on CBS, awkward video profiles (must watch); Facebook relationship statuses and now Tinder. The tools are always evolving, In his book Modern Romance, Aziz Ansari says, “Today people spend years of their lives on a quest to find the perfect person, a soul mate. The tools we use on this search are different, but what has really changed is our desires and — even more strikingly — the underlying goals of the search itself.” We have come to expect variety and options; a million cereals at the grocery store, countless movies on Netflix, or your date for the evening. How shitty is it when you choose the wrong one?! FOMO, anyone?
I first started online dating back when I was in college in 2010. Most Match.com profiles included something to the effect of “let’s pretend we met at a bar.” That stigma has been going away; “38% of Americans who describe themselves as “single and looking” have used an online dating site.”
A few months ago, I was talking to a woman at a bar and asked her if she was on any online dating platforms. She said she wasn’t and gave the typical response of “oh, I think it’s weird” and “I have plenty of success meeting people in person.” A few days later I came across her on Hinge. I think it’s only a matter of time before this type of hesitancy becomes a thing of the past.
How Can We Make Online Dating Better?
Video is the next frontier in dating. More and more people are starting to broadcast themselves through the airwaves; see Periscope, Blab, Facebook Live and Snapchat.
Match.com brought us algorithms; Tinder allowed us to swipe; Bumble even made the online game a veritable Sadie Hawkins dance. And I believe real-time video is the next step. A step that can help users achieve three-dimensional dating while still enjoying the convenience of an app.
