What if the right person has come at the wrong time?
When they ask me how did I know my now husband was the one, and what made me propose to him, I recall that we liked each other the moment they introduced us and ten minutes later we were drinking submarine shots and playing Super Mario in a vintage pub in Brighton. However, more important than the mental and physical attraction was the right timing. When two people — who have individually decided for themselves to leave their mark on this world — meet, they immediately know that the impact will be bigger and the route faster, if they walk together.
But what happens when everything love needs to grow is in place (the goosebumps, the look-into-my-eyes-and-tell-me-what-you-see contact, the laughter, the assiduous care), except the right timing? You meet someone, somewhere, somehow; spend a few hours together, and you know that you want to stay hugged like this forever. No one wants to let go, but one eventually does because something stronger is hanging over: a more profound love, a career, a round-the-world trip. Are you the one left behind into pieces, looking for comfort in Paulo Coelho’s words? “And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
Maybe they will come back for you, and you will be there to scream: “I knew it!” But perhaps they will never look back again because they wouldn’t have left in the first place — and if they do, it will be at times they feel vulnerable, unhappy, or bored. Here’s how to pull yourself together and move on when the person is right, but the timing is not.
Stay true to yourself
Your desire to be with this person and to make it work may be so intense that you put this person’s wants and needs first, and you have forgotten where you were going before you two met. This is not how soulmates connect; successful relationships are not a one-person’s-show. Take a minute to reconnect with yourself, and find refuge in the things that keep your motivation levels high — the gym, your friends, art, solo travelling.
Walk away today
Every morning, you open your eyes, and you wish things were different. During the day feelings of sadness, anger, and love alternate, and you feel you are losing your mind. The latter is most likely not true, but you are surely wasting your time. Hence, stop postponing the inevitable and waiting to see how things will pan out. Leave today, now; before you get into the habit of living a life based on hopes and elusive dreams.
Grieve to heal
Saying goodbye to the person you believe is the one will cause you immense pain and may affect for a while your relationships with friends, colleagues, and future partners. Not everything is in our control, and even though it wasn’t your choice to get hurt, you have to deal with the feeling, and allow the grief to complete its circle. Experience, at your own pace, all the stages of loss to eventually reach acceptance and move on.
Cherish the good memories
Memories belong to the past, and at the moment, all you want is a future with this person. Yet, be grateful for the intense feelings that touched your heart, and the moments that made you feel alive. Use these memories to bring you to smile, and bear in mind that if it happened with this person, it could happen with another person too — one that can stand by you, and will be ready to accept your amaranthine love without stultifying you.
Keep the lesson learned
Life is a puzzle of good and bad experiences. But what matters is what we learn from these experiences. Coming across the right person at the wrong time may feel more like a punishment than a lesson. However, it has already taught you two things: First, it takes two to tango, and second, ingratiation methods cannot fulfil chimerical plans.
