She Asked — What Is Love Anyway?
…You’ll Even Start Loving An Adopted Dog In 6 Months
I live with 2 other flatmates. Apart from the fact that they work for the same company, they are poles apart from each other. One could sleep for 25 hours a day, and the other would probably never sleep, if that was humanly possible.
The other day, the latter one brought home his friend along, for dinner and cigarettes. Don’t ask me about that combo as I don’t smoke. We all ate together and started some random chit chat around socialism. Post dinner, they started smoking in the balcony. I joined their conversation.
“… and that’s why I strongly believe in socialism. A competitive or free market is complete bullshit,” she was finishing her point of view when I joined.
The sleepy flatmate went ahead to do the thing that he dies to do after waking up — sleep. The other flatmate got a call from work and excused himself for a while to attend to the priorities. It was just she and I. Not a fan of politics, I tried to change the subject.
“My flatmate hasn’t told me much about you, to be honest,” I asked her, breathing between her puffs, because the smoke from her puffs was coming directly on my face due to the airflow in the balcony.
She replied, “Well, there’s not much to know… I’m a pretty regular lazy person… Working in a regular organization at regular pay… Umm.. broken up a week ago.. so just going around and meeting friends to remain busy”.
“Shit! Really?,” I got surprised.
“Yes… apart from that, I like reading murder mysteries..,” she continued.
“No, no. Hold on. You slipped your breakup just like that in the conversation. Was it not serious or something,” I asked, being genuinely in disbelief in the zero-gravity of the relationships these days.
“It was very serious. We were dating each other for 3–4 years. We were thinking of marrying each other. His parents knew me,” she spoke as if reading from a teleprompter.
I was so in disbelief of what I heard. I knew about breakups. I had faced a few. I knew the pain. Could someone really be this strong to move on within a week? Or am I a bit more emotional regarding these things in my life? Was she even in love, ever?
“What happened? I didn’t say statue,” she said jokingly.
“Um.. oh.. nothing.. nothing… it’s just that… I am a bit surprised, to be honest. It’s not even a week and you seem all fine. Not that I would you rather be in depression, but how are you okay?,” I told her whatever was itching me, honestly.
“Lately, his family had started forcing him to marry because he was approaching 29 years of age. And in turn, he was forcing me to be his bride. But, I felt it was just not practical to marry him. He had recently started working, and hence, his pay was very low. My father was an IAS officer. We always had a few servants for us growing up. If I were to marry him, I would have to give up on my lifestyle. Money was a major reason for not taking it to the next level with him. Hence, you see, I couldn’t have married him. Since whenever we would meet, he would constantly end up talking only about the marriage, I had to end the relationship.” she replied.
I fell silent. I wondered was the love between her and her boyfriend also hollow from the center like the ring she was making using the smoke of the cigarette?
“I agree with you partially. One should not give it all to love and ignore the career. But don’t you think the other way round should not be done as well? If we give up on love completely for career, will we really be happy?,” I asked.
She replied instantly, as if the response to my question was ready and rehearsed multiple times previously, “As I see it, I would rather marry a well to do person than him. And you talk about love? What the fuck is love anyway? You’ll even start loving an adopted dog in 6 months,” she said.
I fell silent again. I remained mute for minutes. I didn’t want to believe what she had just said. But, I could not come up with any reply. She was right. No matter how much I was trying to not believe that, it was true. I felt so so bad.
We remained seated on our bean bags, watching the sky. The stars seemed hazy. There was no moon. And it felt so so dark. There are moments in our lives when we imagine something which we know will never happen. But we imagine it anyway. That was one such moment. I don’t know why but I was thinking, ‘What if the moon never comes in the sky ever again? Did we admire it enough while we had a chance to do so?’. I felt terrible.
“I don’t want to believe that we are really living in a world where love is this cheap illusion. But then, there’s definitely truth in your words. Even though I wish I could say something in response, but I have nothing to say. If you find a rich husband and start living with him for a few months, as you said, maybe love will follow…” I said in dismay.
I kept thinking about what she had said. And it had been 2–3 days but none of my logic could beat what she believed in. Was the love that I believed in, not that special after all? Love doesn’t happen? Love can be created? Love is not beyond us? Oh, how poor!
One thing that happens while growing up is we keep losing our innocence. As kids, we believe in Santa clause, fairies, space travel, having a pet, etc. But as we grow up, we discover that actually there’s no Santa, no fairyland, a career in rocket science is very hard and demanding, and maintaining a pet is far more tiresome than it seemed before.
But when you discover that the idea of love that you believed in was also not true… that is when it hits you the hardest. Is life just about paying bills then?
She visited us again.
“Your friend tells me that you have been a little disturbed since our last discussion around the topic of love? Didn’t mean to hurt you. But it is painful only because it is also true,” she said to me.
“Yes, I was sad. Especially because we had a pet dog…,” I said, remembering my buddy.
“Really?” she got excited hearing about the dog. I felt maybe if she would have rather loved a dog, at least then she would have spared her boyfriend the pain he might be in.
“His name was Mangal. My friend and I found him on the road. He was just a few days old. It was very cold outside, and he was shivering. He was probably hungry also. But despite all the miseries, he was standing firm, looking angrily at us. It was very adorable. My mom had a strict no-pet policy at home. I begged her till the evening before she agreed to give him shelter until a week. I took care of him and slowly he started growing. The love between him and my family grew over time. 1 week’s shelter never ended, actually. Instead, the boundaries only disappeared with time. When he was around 9 months old, he met with an accident and died. More than me, I could see my family, especially my mom, crying for him. We did not eat that day. It was no less than losing a family member. And that is why what you said that day resonated with me so much,” I poured my heart out in front of her.
“That is exactly my point. Over time, we fall in love with even a dog — which can’t express, can’t speak, can’t go to restaurants with you, can’t travel far with you. Then why would you not fall in love with a new person in your life?” she said, feeling victorious having proved her point.
I responded, “But, you know what, that makes me wonder… if a person can fall in love with even a dog in a matter of months, then have you thought about your ex-boyfriend’s condition right now? He was with you, a human being, who could express, could speak, with whom he had gone to many restaurants, and had travelled so much and so far. I can’t even imagine how much love would have been there in his heart for you when you decided to leave him for being practical. He must have loved you way more than he would have loved a dog. Afterall, you are more than a dog; aren’t you?
