What Long-Distance Feels Like
Contrary to popular belief, it is not that bad
I was about to go live in a city 500 miles away from my hometown and my girlfriend (let’s call her Shreya), was my high school sweetheart and we were in a three-year-long relationship at that time. I got into one of the top medical schools in the country which was in another city and she got into an engineering college near our hometown. So it was about to become the dreaded “long-distance relationship.” But we knew we had to make it work.
Background
Growing up in a traditional Indian household, we were surrounded by arranged marriages in which the relationships were based on compromise and adjustment. Separations and divorces were greatly frowned upon and love marriages had started trending. Our concept of love was based on songs and Bollywood movies which taught us that love was meant to happen once and stay for life. We had no idea what dating, friends with benefits, and casual relationships meant. So getting into a relationship meant commitment.
After I fell in love with Shreya and I confessed to her, she rejected me. This was because getting into a relationship meant a life-changing decision and not just an option. After eight months, she realized I was suitable for her and we got into a relationship. We knew we had to make it work one way or another. As I was getting ready to move to another city, many of my friends told me that long-distance relationships are a myth. It never works out. Neither she nor I paid any heed to such advice. We knew it was up to us to make it work. So I packed my bags and headed out for an experience that would change my life.
Initial experience
The first few months were pretty hard. I had never lived away from home before. I was allotted a single room at the hostel/dorm so I had no roommate. I felt very lonely at times. Internet connection was very weak in my room and I could barely video call anyone. I yearned to see her face again, to hold her in my arms. Sometimes I even cried a little. I had no friends there to talk to. It was a very difficult time for me.
Slowly, as I started making friends in college I got to know that some of them had boyfriends or girlfriends in school. It was a sort of relief. I was not the only one. Many people were going through a similar struggle as me. However, as days went by, most of these people who were in a long-distance relationship either broke up or started cheating on their partners. To be honest, I was a little tempted too.
There were a lot of pretty girls in my college and I thought about what having an affair would feel like. Shreya would never know. She was 500 miles away for God’s sake. Being a “playboy” and getting a lot of girls have been associated with manliness from the oldest of times and I wanted to be manly too. I was a tall, fairly good-looking guy who was academically sound and also good in sports. Getting girls was not that difficult a feat for me or so I was told. It was when I started getting attention from girls that I decided to introspect a little.
Introspection
I was already three years into my first ever romantic relationship in my life. In my school life, I rarely even talked to girls, let alone flirt with them. Shreya was one of the very few girls I interacted with. However, this was not the case for her. She had many male friends and she was quite popular in school. Numerous boys had confessed their feelings to her but she rejected all of them. She had no intention of getting into relationships until she met me. Even after a bunch of years of our relationship, many boys have approached her. She never paid them any mind.
If I was to cheat on her, I had to make an effort and get girls to like me. It was so much easier for her. She just had to choose from a list of boys. But she decided not to. I was the only one for her. How could I cheat on someone like that? Was it worth jeopardizing our beautiful bond for temporary pleasures? Just because my friends would think I am “cool,” should I start indulging in affairs? What kind of human would that make me? The lowest kind probably.
When honesty and trust are lost, a relationship remains nothing more than a mere agreement. I did not want that. A guy once told me in college, “Oh, are you in a long-distance relationship? Nice. You are keeping four people happy.” In case you don’t get it, he meant that both my girlfriend and I must have been having an affair in college which would bring the total number of people involved, to four. It was almost an accepted fact that long-distance commitment is a myth and cheating is inevitable. I took it as a challenge. I decided to prove everyone wrong.
Communication is the key
In my second year, I got a new room that had Wifi and also got a roommate. I made friends with people who appreciated our relationship and not suggest breaking up every now and then. Most importantly, I started video calling Shreya every night. This was a huge relief. I could see her every day, we could talk about whatever was happening in our lives. I used to tell her everything that was going on with me.
Two girls started showing interest in me and one of them had confessed her feelings. I told this to Shreya and naturally, she got mad. We would have heated conversations for so many days but I knew it was worth going through the trouble. My conscience was clear. I prefer facing a little fight over regretting my dishonesty later in life. I realized that communication was the key. If I could somehow talk to her every day, I would have no problem with long-distance. As far as physical needs are concerned, a vacation now and then is enough for both of us. We did not start out based on physicality and even today, it is not an absolute necessity for us.
It has been seven years for our relationship, four of which were long distance and it is going quite well — touch wood. Despite several temptations, I never actually cheated on her, and hopefully neither did she. I am stuck in my room during this COVID-19 pandemic, writing this story and I haven’t seen her once in the last six months. But we will overcome this too.
When both the people in a relationship truly love each other and have decided never to give up, breaking up is not going to be an option. She is kind of a part of my family and also my best friend. We don’t break up with family members or friends.
Distance helped me introspect. When I could see her every day, I took her for granted to a certain extent. After moving, when I craved to just look at her face, I realized how important she was to me. Even if she is not perfect, I know she is the best one for me.
Thanks for reading. Hope you have a great life ahead.
