When They Just Leave You
What hurts more than anything is when you are always the one who feels. You feel for the other person, and for yourself. You feel the pain you have to go through because of what they put you through and you still feel for them; the excuse they must have had, the reasoning. You allow them to explain themselves without having to hear them out. And that, hurts. It makes you feel.. bad. And you tire of feeling.. bad.
Because what is the alternative? Being one of them and hurting others? Or being completely separated from the very idea of feeling something? Is it even possible for a person who feels so much, to feel nothing at all, all at once? I think we’d feel for both ourselves and the ones we end up hurting, which is more than our fragile hearts can bear.
But it tires you out. The constant feeling of having to blame yourself for not walking away sooner and giving up on someone who wanted to see the very end of you. It feels like your heart has turned into potpourri, with nothing left to revive. How do you come back from that when every time you feel like you’re getting up again, the pain finds itself back to you? They find their way back into your heart. Because, well.. no matter how broken it is and how fragile it may seem, it still has the capacity to take in much worse than it has ever been through. It just does not stop absorbing in people who don’t deserve to be in it. People who do not know or.. have never learned what love is. Do we even know what love is? It seems we only know what is bad for us, and choose to love that.
It is the way we get treated. If someone puts us in a box and makes us feel less than we are, we end up believing that it’s all we deserve.. and all we are. And when someone comes along who tries to take us out of this box, we’re automatically set to believe we are being deceived. Maybe we are being deceived. Do we even know what trust is anymore? Does anyone have the right to earn trust anymore?
You want to believe that Karma is going to come through for you. You want to believe that more than anything because you do not have it in your heart to cause someone pain or even wish hate on them. But sometimes Karma does not come through.
All that is left to hope again, that it’s just going to be better. Even if that kind of hope seems overrated sometimes. It’s all we can hold on to, that won’t deceive us.
