Why I Look Forward to Fights with My Significant Other
Even if it means cutting the honeymoon stage short.
A lot of us tend to view “fights” (arguments, misunderstandings, discord — whatever you want to call it) with our significant other as a sign that the relationship isn’t going well, so we try to avoid as much as possible, whenever possible.
Couples in the early stages of their relationship, for example, might consider a fight as the end of the “honeymoon” phase.
Fearing that the romance will soon fade, we try, to the best of our abilities, to delay bringing up any issues we have with our partner, brushing any negative feelings under the rug for the time being.
At its worst, we worry that a lovers’ quarrel is a sign of incompatibility or an omen of things to come.
Generally speaking though, getting into an argument is just a pain.
But as odd as it sounds, I actually enjoy the idea of getting into a fight with my significant other.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t purposefully get into arguments for the sake of it (though I know some people do).
I view fights as a milestone in a relationship.
It means my partner and I are reaching a point where we’re getting to know one another on a deeper, more intimate level.
Fights are often rooted in misunderstandings, flaws, or insecurities. Resolving them means having to open up to our partner, confronting sensitive issues, and in some cases, admitting fault.
Vulnerability is gross, but it is a necessary component in any relationship.
Fighting necessitates opening up. Opening up requires vulnerability. And vulnerability means building trust.
I see each fight, argument, and misunderstanding as an opportunity to “level up” a relationship. Being able to resolve issues and get past difficulties makes me feel infinitely closer to my partner.
I don’t enjoy fighting with my significant other per se, but I do enjoy the idea of and building trust between us—even if it causes tempers to flare (his, mine, or both of ours), confronting insecurities, and ugly crying.
The honeymoon phase is ephemeral. Treasure it, but don’t fear the end of it. If the person you’re with is worthwhile, then you have nothing to worry about.
