Why you get frustrated dating.
The act of dating gets so maligned that career-successful women everywhere get frustrated. And it doesn’t have to be that way.
Let’s break it down to some critical thinking so that you don’t end up getting taken advantage of at your own hands.
Dating is not a mini-relationship or a full blown relationship so stop acting like it.
Dating is an action. You go on dates. Many dates. You keep dating to have fun, get to know guys (observe them), and see which guys have red flags (to dump him from dating rotation) or if they have potential for a LTR.
That’s it. That’s what dating is. It’s not a relationship. Dating is dating and relationships are after mutually deciding to form a relationship and leave the action lane of dating. If he has red flags, you dump him — not “break up with him” as though you two were a couple. He’s just no longer someone you date.
Generally, men understand this, and women don’t. Thus, you get frustrated.
You need to keep dating LOTS of men until one man wants to form a full-blow hey-your-my-person-and-do-you-want-that-with-me question and until THAT happens, you don’t ASSUME that you two are a couple in a relationship and no longer dating others. You keep dating. It will provide so much more joy than you ever thought.
Hypocritical women everywhere complain about women’s lib, blah, blah, and yet they’re the very ones to take themselves off dating land to act like a submissive teenager waiting on the dude to catch up to her “omg we’re perfect for each other” caca.
You’ll always face unnecessary heartbreak because you confused his desire for Netflix and chill nights followed by sex as a relationship. Then when the guy doesn’t act relationship-y by day or he stops taking you out on the town or ignores you for a week when he’s out of town, you get upset.
Your desperation for him in the first place created this urgency within your actions. You urgently wanted him to feel at ease and comfortable with you and for you to “be picked” by him. You lost the purpose of dating and getting to know him after the third date.
Nobody is bad here. You are uninformed that’s all.
And you’re dating like middle school girls do. “He looked at me and told Suzie I’m cool and put a letter in my locker so we’re a couple now. I’m just waiting for the Jack In the Box ring.”
You do not lock and load on the first guy that pays you an evening of attention (or worse, endless text messaging for weeks) and take yourself off the market to prove you’re all-in to this stranger dude.
You don’t have to prove your worth to a man! Stop it.
Girls, it takes months to know a man. Don’t assume your psychic abilities are so great (unless you’re on the cover of Psychic Magazine) that you “just know” he’s perfect enough for you to go the distance with after several text messages and/or one meet-up and/or a handful of dates. That’s immature thinking.
You can’t be so desperate for a LTR or marriage that you need to prove to him (the guy you just met) that you’re “good enough” to be picked by him. Like seriously, what? Think about that. You’re not in the Handmaid’s Tale.
I don’t care if your take is that he “acts like you’re a couple” or if he “implies” that he’s not dating anyone else or he hated when his ex cheated. They were in a relationship. You’re not. He’s just sharing. You’re extrapolating meaning that’s not there.
Just date. Don’t connect his dots. Date other men. Set yourself free.
Unless the “let’s you and me be an item” words fly out of his mouth, it doesn’t matter what your overactive mind tells you.
And, btw, I’m not a fan of the exclusivity talk but that’s another post. I’m trying to wake you up today, to stop acting like you’re omnipotent and know he’s perfect after so little time and then you’re complaining about him all the time as though he’s not a good boyfriend. Yeah, because he’s not. He’s dating you. You’re frustrating yourself.
You end up miserable.
THIS is how women set up the “here’s a list of 30 things I don’t like about his crumb-tossing self, but I can’t leave him.”
Well, next time (and it’s just a matter of time before this thing you’re in ends), don’t pretend you’re in a relationship when you’re dating.
That state of mind is empowering and healthy and only healthy women will understand this. The outliers (which are the majority) will have to let this sink in to see how they really set themselves up for heartache at their own hands.
Bottom line: Date many — but keep relationship formation separate. A relationship is a serious conversation, not a relief that he “picked you. “
Get it right…
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