Your Hearts House of Horrors….

Relationships are scary.

Profound insight I know.

It’s simple yet very true. We all know it but we seldom talk about it.

Relationships are like haunted houses. They sound cool when we are talking about it with our friends. Then, all of a sudden you find yourself looking at the entrance to this den of horror, trying to pretend that you aren’t scared shitless.

We all know you’re pretending. We know because we’re scared shitless too. Some of us are just better at pretending than others.

We walk in trying to play it cool.

That “Cool” disappears quickly when the first creep jumps out of the dark to scare us. That’s when cool goes right out the window. Now, we are the silly girl in the horror movie who just ran past the open front door on her way upstairs to hide in a closet!

After, a little while, simmering in the closet thinking about all the ways we are going to die we suddenly realize the danger has passed and we just wasted a whole lot of time in the closet.

The closet is a great metaphor for our minds.

How often have you been in this scenario: You get into a relationship, things are going smooth, then you hit a hiccup (normally something minor or insignificant) and your mind takes off creating scenarios of doom and destruction on par with the latest “End of the world” type movie?

How many times have you felt like you were floating on a pink love cloud surrounded by butterflies and cherubs only to be rudely interrupted by a voice inside your head like a death metal singer screaming “LET’S BURN THIS MOTHERF***** DOWN!!!”?

I don’t know. Maybe that’s just me.

In the haunted house scenario we aren’t alone. Here we have a partner. It’s a much scarier prospect. Now we have more than ourselves to deal with, now we have another person navigating this thing with us.

We begin the journey nervous but close. The freaks and goblins think they frighten us but what they don’t know is that they actually serve a greater purpose.

As we traverse these obstacles we grow closer. (Unless, of course, you’re the guy, or girl, that throws your partner into the path of the chainsaw wielding maniac. In that case, you might need to start from the beginning and that will likely happen with a new partner but hey, look at the bright side at least you get to try again! Silver linings, right?) The bumps push us into our partner’s embrace. The big scares push us closer still. The things intended to do us harm, so long as we aren’t the one pushing people towards the chainsaw, actually make us stronger.

If you’ve ever been to a haunted house your experience, and your perception of that experience, changes dramatically from beginning to end.

Relationships tend to work the same way.

We enter scared, uncertain, on edge.

We emerge stronger, bonded, experienced.

If we’re lucky we even had fun.

Here’s the point: we are all scared!

It’s okay to feel it! It’s okay to admit it! Just don’t run from it!

Our perspective is either our biggest ally or our greatest foe. How we perceive these things will determine the experience we have.

We can allow the fear to bond us and bring us closer or we can allow it to paralyze us. If we can face the fear and still move forward we just might find that we can grow stronger, closer, and more connected with every passing “freak or goblin” that might come our way. When the trip is over we can look back having had an amazing experience and learning a lot about ourselves, and someone else, along the way.

Some of us are like the friend who cannot be persuaded to enter the house, choosing instead to stay put. The drawback to this is that while you’re standing still, you’re missing out on what could be a valuable experience!

Most of us, however, run from the fear, potentially missing out on that ever elusive “one” we all desire by few seem to find. Maybe the reason we don’t find it is because our natural inclination is to retreat rather than face the fear head on. Retreat inevitably leads us to regret.

Relationships are scary. Hell, life is scary! But looking back in regret is even scarier!

Nobody, at the end of their life, sits back and looks at their life wishing they had taken less risks, did less things they were afraid of, or went into less haunted houses. I doubt that any of us will either. In fact, I’m pretty confident that we will all wish we had the boldness to do the exact opposite!

What’s the solution?

FUCK FEAR!

Take the risk! Experience life! Experience love! Do it boldly! Do it loudly! Most important of all: Have fun doing it!

You see, the freaks and goblins we face will never go away but when we allow them to strengthen us we take the power out of their hands and put it back in ours where it belongs.

Freaks and goblins are metaphors for the issues that sneak up on us. Some are serious issues, some are small.

But, if we’re honest most are small in the grand scheme of things because life is so BIG!

Don’t let fear of the small shit keep you away from the joy and awesomeness of the big shit!