New Rules
A New Life Plan
This year is my year of change. I feel like everyone says that, but they say it in late December or early January and in three months they’re eating 3 bags of Cheetos and a handful of Oreos. I have been doing the opposite. I started with new rules. Every week is a new hurdle, and everyday I have a really hard time dealing with everything thrown at me, but I’m determined to be a better person. I am determined to change my life for the better.
New Rule number 1: Start working out. I started back in January working out a little bit. When I say a little bit, I mean once a week I did a 20 minute workout video geared for women that was free online. I’m not great at working out. I am great at walking to the fridge and back to the couch. I’m not rich, and I have no gym membership, and for those of you not paying attention: it’s still the middle of winter and it’s almost April. I can’t work out outside (which is awful, because I live 50 ft from a reservoir and the back roads are beautiful here). I don’t have workout clothes, and my friends live 40 minutes from me. I’m slated to be unhealthy and alone. To help me out even more, I packed my Mondays and Tuesdays with so many things, I barely have enough time to eat. The odd are stacked against me.
New Rule number 2: No Soda. I Drink a lot of diet soda. Formaldehyde and carbonation runs through my veins. I drank diet, because no calories. What are calories? I can’t drink them away. That was my mindset. I thought that it was still ok to drink chemical laced goop with bubbly goodness.
New Rule number 3: Have a Clean Car. I meet people all the time. Quite possibly more than 5 new friends a week. That’s a lot more than other people. Why? I’m loud. What happens when you are loud and meet new people? You go to bars. You go to houses. Someone’s going to want a ride. They get to sit on all of my shit on in the back of my car. “Oh that? That was my lunch box from last week. I hope you enjoy sitting next to it. It’s probably not molding yet, don’t worry.” I feel disgusting and underwhelming. Nice to meet you, I’m a slob.
New Rule number 4: No alcohol until my birthday (June 15th). I have been so health bipolar. What am I doing with my diet? I have 10 servings of vegetables, 2 servings of carbs, and a serving of lean meat a day, and then I go to the bar or a friends and it’s Frat-o-polooza ‘14 every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Even on the other days of the week, I’d have a beer or some wine. It was so bad over Spring Break that I had acid reflux that could eat through a NYC sidewalk.
New Rule number 5: Drink my coffee black. Dairy is Cow’s gift to man. It is quite possibly the most disgusting food product that I obsess over. Ice cream, cheese, milk: they make my loins pucker. Cheese in all of it’s putrid glory, is the centerpiece of any dinner party and the best additive in any meal (ever, really, everything goes with cheese). I, however sadly, am Lactose intolerant. I break out from eating even the smallest piece and I tend to have really oily and repulsive skin for a week after eating it. It sucks. I used to drink milk by the gallon as a child, which is great unless you live in a desert. Milk was really expensive (I assume it still is, but in a desert, anything that doesn’t grow there is really pricy), so my mother may have been a little mad about it. I assume milk is still pretty expensive, but I haven’t bought milk in a long time (I used to just get coffee at Starbucks and have them put the milk in it), but I am pretty sure that I’m saving a lot of money by taking my coffee plain. I’m also saving my face and body from falling apart once a week.
I’ve been needing some changes in my life. I have been implementing all of these (and more) over the last few months to help me be a better person. I’m an adult now. I need to act like one. I’m not perfect and sometimes I slip up. I find that the best way for me to follow through with something is to tell other people about it. I want my life to be in order, and I want friends that are going to think that I’m reliable and fun, not just someone who’s going to drive them into a tree because I had one too many. Or someone who complains about someone’s outfit, but can’t even clean up after himself. I want to be a better me to make a good impression and to have a better quality of life. I want to have great skin and a nice body to life comfortably for years to come, and not just waste it on my youth and die a slow, bloblike death and not leave anything behind but a dent in my couch and the things that I bought. I want to leave a lasting memory of an awesome person, and while I’m here, be better than the person I was the day before.
