Being an introvert or just being rude?
An insight by an introvert.
When people ask if I want to do something, I am never able to give an answer straight away. This leads people to believe that I don’t want to participate in the activity to which they invited me. The truth is I need time to think, I need time to evaluate what, where, when, with whom etc. I need to assess if I will be able to prepare mentally and if I will have time to recover. I enjoy socialising; however it’s not something that comes as naturally to me as it does an extrovert. Some people jump at the opportunity to head out and meet new people, talk about everything and can do so day after day after day. I am not one of those people. Recently I have been reading quite a few blogs and articles about being an introvert and I have been able to learn quite a lot about myself. When I am asked to do something, I automatically put a block up to start with. I don’t mean to offend anyone, I just have to somehow create a buffer. I need to think if I will have time before the start of the event to prepare. Yes I know this sounds extreme!
Knowing where I am going, how to get there and how long it will take is all about preparation. If I am able to use public transport I will because this means instead of focusing on driving I can concentrate on the upcoming event and any interactions that may occur. If I don’t know where I am going I get stressed, big time; however using public transport helps aid this because it gives me some structure around time to enable me to use this to prepare and I don’t have to worry about navigation. If I know my journey will take an hour I will use half of that time to chill and relax and the other half will be to prepare my mental state. For example, if I was traveling to networking event I would relax and then I would check social media, wake my brain up and put it on full alert. I would read about who is presenting and sometimes I go into overdrive if I know I am doing to be meeting new people. Overdrive kicks in as I walk to the venue. I shake my shoulders and arms, take deep breaths and some times slap my cheeks with my hands. “I am James Mills, I am James Mills” I will repeat to myself, “I am James Mills”. Sounds like some sort of American personal coach bullshit but it works. I can walk into the venue and go up to those new people with confidence that I am prepared. ‘Hi, my name is James, really pleased to meet you’ said with a firm but welcoming voice accompanied by eye contact and a firm handshake. I am in control. This is not something that comes easy to me, I am in introvert, but with the proper preparation I can step outside my comfort zone and make the most of a situation. This takes energy and my guess is that it takes 100% more energy out of me than it would an extrovert.
Introverts (or those of us with introverted tendencies) tend to recharge by spending time alone. They lose energy from being around people for long periods of time, particularly large crowds.
Extroverts, on the other hand, gain energy from other people. Extroverts actually find their energy is sapped when they spend too much time alone. They recharge by being social.
This is why I need to make sure I can debrief and I can recharge. Once again, I know this sounds extreme. If I spend extended amounts of time with people without being able to recharge I shutdown. Sometimes this happens without me knowing about it and without me fully appreciating it for hours or days. I know this is hard for people to accept and it’s not something I do on purpose or knowingly but it happens. I need to recharge and I need to debrief.
I have yet to work out exactly what it is I need to do but it’s somehow connected with my thought process. I think. I think a lot! When I am around people I generally start by being able to fully engage and interact but then something happens. My guess is that I think so much that I am unable to process what I am thinking about. My brain is unable to cope so it tries to work harder and just gets stuck in a loop trying to process, failing and trying again until I am physically exhausted.
I am not even sure if this is about being an introvert or just my personality type and being dyslexic. I have coping strategies which help me deal with my dyslexia which mean I like to be organised and in some ways have a little bit of OCD. I know that if I don’t write thoughts down or process them my brain gets stuck in this loop so I use notebooks and have more recently started using Evernote for everything. In a social situation it’s not really accepted that you pull out a notebook and start jotting things down. Most of the time my notes are pointless and mean nothing but if I don’t get them out of my head I worry they will not get processed and that’s when my brain starts working overtime and ultimately I shut down.
It’s easier for me to say I am busy and sit at home enjoying my own company but I don’t hide behind being an introvert for a couple of reasons. My wife loves going out and socialising, and my personal and career development would not get anywhere if I did. I started a networking event in Teesside, UK for the creative industry. Some of the monthly meet ups have had an attendance of over 100 people and I have been the one in the room to welcome people and compere the evening. I put myself out of my comfort zone. I physically learned how to, in some ways, become split personality. When I look at the audience I make my eyes blur the crowd so I cannot see faces or work out how many people are there. This also enables me to not make physical eye contact but allows me to stand with my head up looking around the room creating an illusion. I know what I am going to say and I stand with authority and confidence. None of this comes naturally and to do so I need to prepare. Luckily for me I knew the date, time and location of the events so I was able to prepare and I would always give myself a couple of hours after event to debrief and check social media before going to bed. Sometimes the debrief and recharge time ran into the next day (and not just because of the hangover).
Maybe you relate to the above personally or maybe you know someone and reading the above has helped understand them a little more.
