Parenthood 2.0
~10 Useful Tips For Parents To Survive Puberty~
The thin line between parenthood & friendship AND how it works…
Being a mom, a dad or simply raising a child is clearly not what it once used to be! Have you ever experienced extensive talks between you and your parents when you messed up something? I definitely haven’t ……..ever! When I look back into my childhood, I got told off, was sent to my room and received my punishment with serious disregard. No talks, no explanation, nothing! I am not super old but our generation had a totally different experience of relationship with their parents. We had to follow and do everything without questioning. Otherwise, “somebody gonna get hurt, real bad” — I still love Russel Peter’s joke. If you never saw it, don’t miss the chance to #ROFL!
~Entering the danger zone~ “PUBERTY”
As for myself, I have always dreamed of a more closer relationship with my kids. I wanted to be the “BEST FRIEND” too, instead of being only a mother. Well, easier said than done ladies & gentlemen! If you have small kids, take your time to prepare yourself and get ready for crazy tightrope dancing acts on a silvery thread. If you are only parent, you will loose the openness, trust and close relation and if you are too much of a friend, you will lose your authority as a parent.
FRIEND — Being a friend means to share secrets, to talk about everything, to laugh and to do stupid things together. Being overprotective is not a attribute of a friend and it is super uncool too! The truth is that they do what they think is right anyways! The only thing you can choose is, if you want to join their journey or not. If you choose to do and step out of the parent role for a bit then you have to to prepare for some real stuff! Foremost YOU need to be ready to let him/her experience their own mistakes because that’s how they can grow.
Your challenges: You have to hide your inner angry parent if he/she does not listen and although you knew what was going to happen! You have to pretend to be cool in some situations and try to hold it inside when he/she tells you a secret which you don’t like. You have to comfort them when their world breaks apart although you are “hopping mad” because your advice upfront would have prevented it!
The most difficult time in your role as a friend is in the beginning where you have to set a limit to make your kids understand up to where you can be their friend and from what point you will start being a parent. Somehow I have managed to do this and today I have an amazing relationship with my 15 year old daughter and exactly the way I wished it to be.
TEN TIPS FOR A STRONG, OPEN & TRUSTFUL BOND
I. Don’t just deny them something but instead give them a real life example which will show them what could happen to them and then how it makes you feel *you have to make them sense your pain, so they can understand why you are afraid.
II. Let them make their own mistakes (small ones), as this is the only way to learn and protect themselves when the time comes for them to be on their own. Sit with them afterwards and let them know that you have been through the same experience when yo were young *this will help them in seeing you as a guide on their journey because you share the same experiences.
III. Encourage their talents but never force them to live your dreams *Being a doctor might not be everyone’s dream. Let them live their life, not yours!
IV. Don’t compare them or their grades to their friends and other kids at school *this will encourage jealousy and ruin their friendship. Always bare in mind that not every child has the same talents and can not be a genius in every subject!
V. Let them try out as many hobbies as they want *”if you start something than you have to finish it” is an outdated belief that you should remove from your mindset! It might apply to certain circumstances in life but in general, everyone should be able to quit something that does not make him/her happy and instead look for opportunities that work him/her better in life.
VI. Introduce constructive weekly or monthly family meetings, where everyone is allowed to share what they like and what they don’t like. *It is not supportive for your relationship to always blame the kids but also see what you might have done wrong in their point of view. This will make them feel equal and understood.
VII. Set up a fixed day in the week for family and give them also the opportunity to decide what to do. *this might not be easy as teens are usually moody and would rather spend all the time with their friends but once this is initiated, you will see how much it will strengthen your bond.
VIII. Listen to them with your full attention. *By listen I mean that you should lay down your mobile, close your laptop and really listen to their needs and problems. What might be minor to you is probably a big issue in their life. If they feel heard, they will always come back for more advise and this will make you the first person to run to.
IV. Let them have their space for moodiness. *Most of the time their hormones are running wild. Don’t take it personal and just ignore their moodiness if you are sure that there is no real problem behind it. They don’t even know why they are angry, how can they tell you? You will see how much they appreciate it if you step back a little sometimes.
X. Don’t freak out! *Your kids can not handle themselves during puberty and if they see that you are also not able to handle them, who will do it? They need to know with confidence that what ever is going on, you will always have control over it. This will clearly show them that they can always rely on you!
I hope you enjoyed reading, thanks for giving me your precious time.
Stephanie Lal
