my eye got crapped on by a bird today

if(‘crapped on by bird’) return ‘success’

internet sad boy
2 min readMar 22, 2014

Splat. Let’s work backwards. I woke up and spent two hours drinking coffee and crafting a plan to finish a number of projects by the end of my Spring break. I only did this to procrastinate my run. I had big plans for the day (lots of “stuff” to do) and decided to start with some exercise.

Halfway through my run I felt pretty good (1.25 miles in). I decided to pick up the pace when a brown blob of crap flew right into the corner of where my nose meets my eye socket. It was a surreal moment; out of nowhere my eye had been crapped on by a bird. I stopped on a dime to process what had happened. I wiped my face off using my shirt as two strangers walked by me. It was a humbling moment.

I started asking myself how this happened statistically. Things like how many birds are in the general vicinity? How many birds sit on a given tree (as well as the set of trees) I was running beneath? How often do birds crap? If I hadn’t picked up my pace (1-2 mph) would this have happened? Twenty seconds into this I stopped and realized I had two options; one, walk home, or two run. I started running. I started running fast.

After collecting myself, I realized I was in an adverse situation and made the choice to get on with my life. I have never been one to back down when things get tough. I wasn’t going to let a little bird crap stop me (remember I had “big plans” for the day).

I urge you to get out of your comfort zone. It is the only way to grow. If something scares you; just do it (like Nike). Resilience is a critical aspect of being successful no matter what your craft is. It is necessary to push through the dark moments.

The moments that humble you.

According to birdchannel.com, most birds poop between fifteen to fifty times per day depending on their size (roughly every 28.8 — 96.0 minutes). I don’t know how credible birdchannel.com is, but maybe getting crapped on isn’t such a stretch given the fact that I was physically covering a lot of ground and running underneath dozens of birds.

If you take away one thing from my eye getting crapped on by a bird…

Always move forward.

bird-crap n stuff video

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