Who are you? And Why it Matters
The Profound Advantage of Self-Knowledge
An ant was walking through unfamiliar terrain, carrying food. It was heading to its anthill but wasn’t sure of the direction of the anthill. It nevertheless continued moving in the same direction and luckily found another ant, moving in the opposite direction. After asking for directions to the anthill, it was pointed to move south and off it went.
Little did the ant know that it was walking on the back of an elephant that was heading north.
Unfortunately, many of us are like the ant.
We often want to move in specific directions, we want to do things, achieve goals, be happy etc without knowing the underlying reasons why it feels like an uphill battle to achieve these goals
Sigmund Freud, a pioneer in psychology, stated that our deepest and most influential motivations, which drive our thoughts and actions, lie unconsciously in our brains and we sadly don’t know consciously.
Freud believed that not knowing our primary mental drivers puts us at a disadvantageous position in life.
Indeed we might be fervently climbing a ladder, unaware it’s leaning against the wrong wall.
Do you know yourself? Really know yourself? Not just your name, age, and where you live, but your values, beliefs, strengths, weaknesses, motivations, natural tendencies and habits? Most people don’t know themselves or know a twisted version of themselves to serve a given narrative.
Embarking on the journey of self-discovery could be one of the most rewarding endeavours we undertake and thus unlocking our potential in the process.
Why is it important to know yourself?
To make better or smarter decisions
During my days in school, I was socially reserved and took a long time to make friends.
Knowing this I did not try to make friends with everyone; I made friends with one or two social butterflies. It turned out that using self-deprecating humour was an effective way of making them friends. Through them, I would get invited to all the exclusive events even though I wasn’t socially vibrant.
Knowing oneself allows you to be aware of your strengths and weaknesses, your values and beliefs, and your goals and motivations.
This knowledge can help you to make decisions that are aligned with who you are and what you want in life or craft an adaptation strategy to enable you to manoeuvre different situations as I did.
To discern advice and people you listen to
A couple of weeks ago, I was feeling low, as many people do, so I went online seeking an answer to my problems “How to be happy” I googled.
I read through pages of advice and one stuck up to me “Set goals and work towards them”. The answer innocently made sense. I had experienced first-hand how progress towards a goal was exciting and motivating; yet after days of trying it out, I wasn’t happier in any way.
I had not only failed to come up with a meaningful goal but also failed to make any progress towards any of the awful ones I had.
It took me a while to understand that the goals I strived towards, with a team of friends or nerds were more exciting for me than embarking on goals alone.
It is very common for well-meaning advice to fall flat if it doesn’t align with our circumstances or personalities. For example, telling a neurotic person to live in the moment and forget the past can lead to heartache as they struggle to let go and beat up themselves for failing.
Knowing yourself helps you discern whose advice to take and how to tailor it to your needs.
Because I came to learn in raw honesty that I am not conscientious, with that realisation came clarity that to-do lists or schedules are useless to me and thus, I rely on setting deadlines and having accountability partners.
To form genuine connections
I have always found it a little strange for people to ask others to be their friends.
Of all the friends I have made in my life, I didn’t ask anyone to be my friend. My friendships developed naturally through shared interests, hobbies, or goals.
Knowing your strengths, weaknesses, values, and needs lets you identify the kind of people you want as friends. This applies to romantic relationships as well, where we consider our values, interests, and personality traits.
To stop self-sabotage
Self-sabotage comes in different costumes such as procrastination, perfectionism, and self-medication among others.
It has on several occasions caused me significant emotional distress. Reflecting on things I should or shouldn’t have done can be quite overwhelming.
But in the many instances where I’ve managed to overcome self-sabotage, the first step always involved realising that I was unintentionally hindering my progress through actions I was taking or not taking
Knowing yourself enables you to identify and acknowledge the behaviours that are blocking your success. Then, you can devise strategies to overcome them. But recognizing these subtle self-sabotaging behaviours in the first place is the first victory
James Clear, a renowned author on habits, highlighted self-awareness as one of the first steps to changing behaviours — bringing unconscious behaviours to the forefront of our consciousness.
You cannot change what you do not know
Getting to know yourself is a journey that can transform your life. When you understand your values, motivations and natural inclinations, you gain the power to live life on your terms and choose pursuits in which you have an advantage.
I will be dropping the Ultimate Guide to knowing yourself soon
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