San Angeles Chargers
Someone Put This Franchise Out of its Misery
It’s September again, and that means school… no I graduated. Scratch that.
It’s September again, and that means another season of NFL football. As always I’m cheering for the San Diego Chargers — what’s that, did you say they were the Los Angeles Chargers? Well excuse me but I recognize that as much as I recognize the Russian annexation of Crimea. Honestly I don’t think anyone actually realizes that Spanos actually moved the team to LA. The officials still call them “San Diego” and the official program for their home opener said that the Spanos clan was still working on a stadium in San Diego…
Well it’s the thought that counts, or they’re actually serious; in which case they’ll be forced to relocate to Canada because no city in America wants the Chargers. On the bright side the Saskatchewan Chargers has a nice ring to it. Anyway back to the season.
Week 1 @ Denver
Believe it or not this is a good sign for San Diego… I mean Los Angeles. Last season San Diego had a habit of taking an early lead through three quarters, before collapsing like the Metrodome in the fourth quarter. In Week 1 they did something amazing, they actually were losing the whole game! They almost came back but they’re the Chargers, and so they lost.
I stopped watching this game in the third quarter, why? This game was brutal, and we were bad. Yes they almost came back but they lost anyways.
What did Philip Rivers accomplish? Philip Rivers managed to complete 22 of 33 passes, throw for 192 yards and 3 touchdowns with only one interception. Not bad for a Quarterback with an imaginary offensive line.
Week 2 Vs* Miami
Hooray! I think if I don’t watch the Chargers they do better. The Chargers held a 10–3 lead at the half, and a 17–13 lead at the end of the third quarter. BUT NEVER FEAR THESE ARE THE CHARGERS.
In an honored tradition the Chargers celebrated their first regular season game in Los Angeles (actually Carson) by blowing a fourth quarter lead. But wait they didn’t just blow it in any old way, they gave up two field goals! We’re not finished, our kicker Younghoe Koo then missed a field goal to end the game. Last week he had a 44 yarder blocked, this week he shanked it wide right… from 44 yards. Idea, only let him kick from under 43 yards. Or bring back Josh Lambo.
My favourite quote from that ESPN article is:
The Chargers have now lost nine games by seven points or fewer since the start of last season, most in the NFL during that span, according to ESPN Stats & Information research.
The Chargers are 1–10 in games decided by seven points or fewer over the past two seasons, the worst winning percentage for any team in such games.
Oh yeah, Antonio Gates now has the most TDs by any Tight End in history. Did I mention that? Yeah that happened. Maybe he took cough syrup?
What did Philip Rivers accomplish? Philip Rivers again somehow managed to make the team look statistically competent. He completed 31 of 39 passes, and threw for 331 yards. NOTE the Chargers only registered a net of 367 yards so Philip Rivers was responsible for 90.190735694822888283378746594005% of the Chargers total offense (that’s 90% for my American readers)
*There were actually more Dolphins fans than Chargers at the game
This is going to be a long season, I hate you Doug Flutie for my making me a fan of this god awful team.
