{59} I don’t care about your sensitivity

I once worked with a great guy, Drew, who is hysterically funny and whip smart and also a devout Jehovah’s Witness. One thing I never did around him was use curse words.

Because he was sensitive to them, based on his faith. He did not like those kinds of words, they made him uncomfortable, and would leave the room if people started using them. I quickly figured this out and just stopped using them if I could help it (I slipped up, but always apologized). He was grateful and happy to have a colleague so considerate. We got along great, and I still miss working with him. [“The Skeptical Atheist and the Jehovah’s Witness walk into a computer lab…” should’ve been our joke!]

Which is what comes to mind whenever someone snaps out “you’re too sensitive!” or any version similar (“lighten up!”; “it’s just a joke!”; “you need tough skin!”; “P.C. police!!!” etc.). Maybe the person in question is too sensitive, or maybe they aren’t. What’s it to you? Why do you care? How much does it cost you to say, “oh, sorry, didn’t mean to offend!” and get on with your day?

I have some of the most sensitive people imaginable as friends, people with PTSD and people with disabilities and gentle, gentle souls who can be triggered by a stressful car ad on TV. I don’t care about their sensitivity but I do care about them, as people. I’m not going to scream-scare a vet with PTSD, and I’m not going to make “crippled” jokes (ever, really), or you know, just any kind of jokey insult that will hurt their feelings and debase them as people. Yeah, maybe their feelings are easily hurt. So what? I don’t want to be the one to hurt them!

And especially my friends who are part of minority groups, whether queer or PoC or refugees or whatever: if they tell me something I said is problematic and upsetting to them, what kind of jerk would I be to fight for the right to upset them? That’s first-class dickishness right there.

“You’re too sensitive!” is my warning sign, now, of people who are clods and possibly jerks. Because yes, maybe I’m being too sensitive; but at least I’m not being a dingle-berry’d butt wipe on the ass of humanity.

I mean, I know Drew isn’t reading this, so: for fuck’s sake, what the hell is so broken in your pissant brain that you think being rude and obnoxious is a sign of maturity, much less civility? What kind of sticky, icky dickwad are you that being mean is more fucking important to your ego than the actual feelings of other people? You’re a piece of shit, please go piss on a live wire.