Sexism against women 2: the blind men see
A MEN’S RIGHTS PERSPECTIVE ON AN ANCIENT FABLE
I wrote a story the helps men to understand how limited our perception is, especially in regard to all the difficulties women face in a male dominated society. (Before you launch into you diatribe, read the story and some of the back links. Maybe they’ll help open your eyes like they did mine.)
In response, Stan L. gave some feedback protesting that the blind men were honest in their observations and maybe with enough time, they could learn more about what an elephant really is. To honor that side of the story, I added a Kurasawa-esque parallel perspective as experienced by the blind men.
(With apologies to any goat herders who may be offended, this story is a parable. It’s symbolic, see? You could be the most virtuous goat herder in the world, for all we know. This is not about you and your personal life.)
ONCE UPON A TIME, there lived six blind men in a village. Their smart phone personal assistants notified them of a big event in eerie robotic tones:
“Hello, blind man, there is an elephant in the village today.”
They had no idea what an elephant is because they had terrible reception and could not google the answer. So they decided to take a chance and have an IRL experience by meeting up with this elephant, thinking:
“Even though we would not be able to see it, let us go and feel it anyway.”
The men went to the town square where the elephant was on display. Each of them touched the elephant.
“Dudes, the elephant is a pillar!” said the first man who touched her leg. He was an architect and loved the beauty and symmetry of her leg.
“Oh, no! it is like a rope,” said the second man who touched her tail. The strength and flexibility of her tail reminded him of his days as a younger man who sailed the seas.
“Wrong-O! it is like a thick branch of a tree,” said the third man who touched her trunk. He was a lumberjack and felt the strength in her trunk.
“Fuggetaboutit. It’s like a big hand fan” said the fourth man who touched her ear. He was a sweaty New Yorker, so he felt relief in the soft breeze created as the elephant’s ear moved.
“No, you jackasses, it’s like a huge wall,” said the fifth man who touched her belly. He was a construction worker who prided himself in the solid houses he had for the people of the village.
“F*ck off, you wankers, this is definitely like a solid pipe,” Said the sixth man who touched her tusk. He was Joe the Plumber, and pretty clueless considering the tusk had a sharp point.
They began to argue about the elephant and each of them insisted that his perception was the only one that could possibly be right. Things began to get ugly and they started sending out angry tweets.
Fortunately, a wise man was passing by and saw the fight unfolding. He stopped and asked them what was the matter. They replied that they could not agree about the true nature of an elephant. Then each blind man told the wise man his thoughts on the elephant. The wise man calmly explained to them,
“All of you are right. The reason every one of you is telling it differently is because each one of you touched a different part of the elephant. So, actually the elephant has all those features you said.”
Everyone was relieved and the fight ended. They felt happy that they were all right.
But one more voice finally entered the conversation.
It was the elephant.
She calmly told them:
You have all made accurate observations, but you are all wrong, because you barely scratched the surface of who I am and what I am capable of.
The blind men stopped and started to talk amongst themselves:
WTF!? Did you know elephants could talk?
I’m going to explore those other parts you guys were talking about.
Damn, this must be the tail!
Check it out, dudes, I found the trunk!
I ain’t movin’. I like the breeze she’s making with her ear.
How is it possible she could be a pipe and a wall?
(in unison) Shut up, Joe!
They were so busy exploring and talking, they only picked up dribs and drabs off the elephant’s conversation with the wise man, something about protecting a baby and working in a circus.
Then they heard the wise man say:
Oh, beautiful elephant, even though I have eyes, my perception is still so limited. Without walking in your shoes, I will never truly know what it is like to be you. Would you, uh, like to go out for coffee?
And they all thought to themselves:
Crap, I blew it again. If I had listened better, I could be having coffee with the elephant.
Suddenly, they heard the tavern door burst open, and recognized the voices of the three town drunks who stumbled into the town square: a manure salesman, a tanner, and a horny goat herder.
The manure salesmen yelled “check out that ass! I could be rich if I had that sh*t!”
The tanner whistled and yelled “Gimme some skin, baby! I could make the finest quality boots and belts and be rich.”
The horny goat herder screamed “woo baby! look at that rack!”
They could hear his footsteps approach, as the horny goat herder ran unsteadily toward them and the elephant yelling “Sh*t yeah, I’d tap that!”
The architect said
Chill bro, this is definitely uncool behavior.
The construction worker stuck out his cane, and tripped the goat herder.
The New Yorker put his cane down on the goat herder’s chest and said:
I’ve got an offer you shouldn’t refuse: stay down and don’t move.
The sailor called the cops and told the goat herder:
Bon voyage. It’s off to the drunk tank for you.
The lumberjack joked:
You need to make like a tree and leave.
And Joe the Plumber said:
Okay, I think I’m starting to figure out what we have here. It’s some kind of new water heater thingie with an cooling fan…
And everyone else, including the wise man said:
Shut the f*ck up, Joe!
In all the commotion, they had forgotten about the elephant. They asked the wise men where she had gone and he said:
She got scared off by the drunks. But you men did a heroic job of standing up against the goat herder. If we all do our part, no matter how small, maybe we can make the village a safer place for elephants and every creature under the sun.
The blind men shouted out:
Come back, elephant, we love you!
But she was already too far away to hear them and was never seen or heard from again.
THE END.
AND LET THE FIREWORKS BEGIN.
Sexual abuse is epidemic among men and women. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men were sexually abused before the age of 18. It is terrifying to think of how many offenders there may be running around. Now add to that all the men who are living in the grey area between consent and rape, or who engage in sexual harassment, or bully women emotionally.
We lost a wonderful female writer, Kel Campbell due to bullying and plagiarism. I hope men stand up so we don’t lose any more great women writers because a couple of bad apples.
I like to think of myself as being progressive, objective and conscious about issues like sexism and racism. I thought I had a grasp of the meaning of white male privilege (playing the game of life on Easy Mode.)
But over the last week I crashed into my own blind spots and wrote this comment in response to Kel Campbell’s now deleted article on sexism. After I learned the underlying fear that is part of a woman’s every day life, I updated the comment to apologize to Kel. She gracefully taught me a valuable lesson, for which I will always be grateful.
To better understand sexism, check out Everyday Feminism.
Here’s an article on Gaslighting. Both sexes can be guilty of this, but it’s worse when the one doing it is a foot taller and seventy five pounds heavier:
Here’s the original article on mansplaining. We all do it a little, just not as bad as the idiot in the article.
This weekend, I found another post by Pax Ahimsa Gethen about racism and learned to identify some more blind spots about racism. Here are some really good sources:
A comic on why we can’t perceive white privilege
A comic on how even the dictionary codifies institutional bias.
An article that helps explain the difference between racism and prejudice.
Thanks for reading. Have the courage to express your opinions. If they’re valid, you’ll be teaching the ladies something they should hear. If they’re not valid, maybe the discussion will help you open your mind a little.
Peace.
