Personal Intent

Are you aware of yours?

If I checked the intent behind my actions as often as I checked that my fly is done up… I’m not completely sure where that leaves us. So instead, I’ll leave my intention to make a joke, and move on to share a story with you. A story about an email I wrote, where myself and the recipient could have benefited from me being conscious of my intention before writing it. Lemmea esplain…

Someone I know — and someone whose behaviour I wasn’t historically fond of — wrote to a family member of mine out of the blue, with a sales proposal that I deemed to be somewhat dodgy. I felt protective in this situation and this email made me a bit mad, which led to me getting high on the idea of exacting some swift wrist-slapping. So I wrote a stern email to him to put him in his place.

I later received a reply, pointing out that some of my claims about him and his actions were unjustified and unfair. After considering these comments (post-high), I agreed, and wrote back to apologise.

This was an unnecessary exchange on my behalf; I felt that someone had acted dodgily, and I matched that dodginess with some of my own.

Had I been acting from a grounded, ego-free place, and not caught in the high of “Here’s my chance to pounce, now that they’ve shown their ugly hand!..”, I might have been more graceful in my handling of a situation I stuck my nose into.

Had I taken a slow breath before sending (or writing!) the email and taken a moment to ask myself, “What is my intention in sending this email?”, I may have realised that my intention was to not only expose him as a dodgy dealer — a con-man of sorts — but also to rub it in his face; I felt like I had caught him in the act! Hahar!

But no, I acted from a place of vengeance (of some sort), and my intention wasn’t kind or compassionate, as I would prefer it to be. And besides, the world doesn’t need another smarmy, hostile exchange.

Lesson learned.

Today

As I practise being more self-aware, I aim to pay more attention to my interactions with others and to be aware of why I say what I say, and why I act like I do. This is all a part my increasing self-honesty, which I’m finding very liberating. B.S-free feels good to me.

The same practise can be applied to ourselves: “Why I am about to buy a block of chocolate and a cheese-cake for myself for dinner? Oh, I happen to be quite unhappy, right now.” My intent was to try and feel good by eating tasty treats.

Many of us sense the intention behind another persons words and actions, too, even if they appear at odds. For example, a sleazy guy at a bar asking “innocent questions” of a lady. He might be pretending to be interested in where she gets her hair coloured, but his intent to make sexy times with her may be all too evident to the lady. Humans are often perceptive with these vibes we sense from one-another. And intent is in everyone and all they do and create.

What’s a particular action you’ve taken, that in hind-sight you can now see the underlying intention of (that you weren’t aware of at the time, and it might now surprise, disappoint or amuse you!)?