Meditations That Will Make You Go From Hating Everyone To Just Most Everyone

Emily Menez
Slackjaw
Published in
2 min readApr 25, 2024

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Photo by Mikael Blomkvist

Just like me, this person wants to be happy. Just like me, this person wants to be free from pain. Just like me, this person is trying to take my parking spot.

Life is too short to spend fighting your natural tides, being at war with yourself. Like water, I redirect the river of hate away from myself and towards Rick in accounting. And Chrystal, too.

I am a magical being full of bright light and I will go forth and shine that light only on the people who donated to my Kickstarter campaign.

Words are energy, and energy is divine. I commit to protect the sacred universal energy by straight up ignoring uncle Albert at all future family parties.

I will surround myself with others who exude loving-kindness, which does not include anyone at this improv show.

In time, all wounds will fade into the collective memories of the past. My soul and mind will heal, but I will never get this three-and-a-half hours back from watching another superhero movie.

When I relax, it will come to me. I am relaxed and what’s coming to me is that I need to leave this baby shower.

I will follow my heart, for it is the little voice of my most sacred truth: this secret to happiness is to take…

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Emily Menez
Slackjaw

I've written for The New Yorker, McSweeney’s, CBS, and more. I'm an editor @Slackjaw. Send in your funny pieces!