Why You Aren’t Thinking Clearly: The Brain Science of Fear in Uncertain Times

I was on a plane last weekend. Actually four planes, three different airports. Hundreds of my fellow humans on all sides.

Every one of us was scared. How do I know that? In the time of Coronavirus, we’re all scared!

For me, it’s been a low level hum. I know it’s there. I am doing my best to stop that fear from guiding my decisions and actions. But like a song that’s stuck in my head, I know it’s there.

Keep your hands away from your face.
AAGH I just scratched my nose!
Am I going to die?

For a week before this trip, I could feel it. I’ve been studying brain science for several years, and I knew what was happening to me. I knew it when my heart felt like it would thwump out of my chest, reading about symptoms and death rates. I knew it when that thwumping turned into a full blown anxiety attack on the first of those plane rides.

Just because I knew what was happening to me didn’t mean I could stop it right then and there. Evolution has created those fear mechanisms to keep us alive. That evolution was not going to let go without a fight!

My understanding does, however, help me to see the fear for what it is, and importantly, to find a path to calm when I find myself slipping into fear’s grip.

So I wanted to share with you some of the basics of what I’ve learned, as well as some things you can do when you sense fear taking hold.

This is Your Brain on Fear

During times of crisis and extreme uncertainty, you may feel like you’re not yourself. Perhaps you’re finding it hard to concentrate. You may suddenly be dropping things, feeling unusually clumsy. You may be spending hours playing solitaire or mindlessly flipping through Instagram. You may have trouble sleeping or eating. Or maybe it’s the opposite, that all you want to do is sleep or eat (or both).

All those responses are actually built into our DNA. Here’s the science:

The primary purpose of all animals, humans included, is to survive, so that we can eventually reproduce. Survival is therefore the primary function of our brains.

In humans, the reflexive survival areas of the brain are located at the base of the head, directly connected to the spine and the rest of the body, for immediate access to the body parts that will get us out of danger.

In addition to that survival mechanism, we humans also have a well-developed capacity for reason, creativity and compassion. That capacity for higher thought is primarily centered at the front of our heads, in the frontal lobe of the brain.

Given the brain’s primary function of survival, when we perceive a threat, the survival center reflexively triggers chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol into our bloodstream.

We all know what a rush of adrenaline feels like. Adrenaline is one of several hormones that increase our heart rate and blood pressure to get us moving quickly.

To clear the way for those get-moving chemicals to do their job, chemicals like cortisol slow down the bodily functions that are not necessary for survival — digestion, metabolism, the immune system. We’ve all heard that when we’re under stress, we might gain weight or have stomach problems. Cortisol and its slowing-down counterparts are actually doing that on purpose, because properly metabolizing your lunch is secondary to getting out of danger.

Important for this discussion, when we feel threatened, access to the thinking parts of the brain is also seen as “unnecessary,” because when we are in danger, our bodies need to just go, not think about it. So when we’re afraid, if we’re not thinking clearly, that’s not us being silly or forgetful — it is instead those chemicals like cortisol, doing their job to keep us safe, to pave the way for get-moving hormones like adrenaline to get us out of there!

Here is what makes this so important:

The survival region that is in charge of releasing those chemicals is incapable of thought. Instead, this area is a reactive, reflexive machine, ruled by and ruling our emotions, and pre-programmed from birth simply to keep us alive.

What that means for our day-to-day lives is this:
When we are afraid, a mechanism that is NOT capable of rational thought is the guard whose job is to keep us away from the area that IS capable of rational thought!

That explains why, when we perceive a threat (like the fear of Coronavirus), our brains do not know the difference between a real threat and a perceived threat. Nightmares, for example, wake us up with our hearts pounding and blood pressure sky-rocketing, even though the threat is not real. It is also why any stress — a deadline, a pile of work on our desks, money fears, and in current circumstances, fear of a potentially deadly disease — will trigger those involuntary responses. Those survival mechanisms are not weighing the facts, because they are not capable of doing so.

So first, it’s important to know that if you’re not 100% yourself these days, that is 100% normal.

When the brain’s survival functions are ruling our actions, therefore, we humans could almost predict our reactions. We suspect other people, we hoard resources, we hunker down, we make short-sighted and often downright outrageous decisions — all instigated by an involuntary chemical response to feeling threatened.

I spent much of last weekend on airplanes that were packed to capacity with 200 strangers from all over the world. On each flight, I diligently wiped my aisle seat with disinfectant wipes, offering wipes and hand sanitizer to my seatmates.

On one of those flights, two sisters were my seatmates, and they seemed to struggle from the time they arrived. They couldn’t find their own package of wipes, grateful that I was sharing mine. Before we had even taken off, the one by the window had spilled her coffee all over the floor by her feet. An hour into the flight, the sister next to me spilled her iced tea on her tray table, missing her laptop keyboard by a fraction of an inch before we all dove in with napkins.

Still an hour from our destination, my immediate seatmate looked distraught as she rummaged once more in her purse for something else she couldn’t find. “This is so not like me,” she mumbled to herself.

All of that is what happens when our survival brain is in charge. (During this American election season, it is important to note that politicians know we cannot think clearly when we are afraid — that we are easy to manipulate when our survival brain is in charge. Beware of messages from either side that make you feel afraid!)

During this current pandemic, when we are all afraid of something very real, about which we have zero control, every single one of us has at least a low hum of that fear as our baseline.

Suddenly fighting over toilet paper in the supermarket makes sense. We are chemically, biologically being held hostage from the rational, creative parts of our brains.

Therefore the key to accessing our ability to think is to create conditions that keep the survival brain calm, creating feelings of safety. Because when we are not afraid, we humans have boundless potential for good.

What leads to our feeling safe?

There are many conditions that help us to feel safe. Let’s consider just a few of them.

Connection

The keys to our survival do not solely rely on our ability to fight, flee or freeze. Because we humans are not stronger or faster than animals who might consider us food, our survival also relies upon each other, just as it is with other pack animals.

Not surprisingly, therefore, neuroscientists have found that our ability to connect with each other, feeling what others are feeling, is also hard-wired into several reflexive functions in the human brain. If you have ever watched someone touch a hot stovetop, and reflexively grabbed your own hand as if that victim were you, you have experienced the brain’s instant empathy mechanisms.

Simply put, we need each other. Our brains therefore do not only make connection possible, but necessary. Infants deprived of direct human contact fail to thrive, and may even die. Similarly, a hug can soothe anxiety because feeling a nurturing touch releases oxytocin, one of the many feel-good chemicals that help us do what is good for us.

For her whole adult life, my mother’s blood pressure would spike when she went to the doctor. While she was normally extremely healthy, the doctor had no choice but to put her on blood pressure medicine, simply because her BP would be so very high when he saw her.

One day a new doctor was standing in for her regular physician. As he took her blood pressure, he cradled her arm in his, slowly and gently massaging that arm as the cuff squeezed around her. For the first time ever, her BP was completely normal. After that, whenever I accompanied my mom to the doctor, I held her hand while they took her blood pressure. That simple act got mom off those meds for good, simply by adding “touch” into the equation.

Seeing the path

Humans are highly visual creatures. Our fear of the dark is directly related to our fear of being unable to see. When we cannot envision (see) a path out of the darkness, whether that is real darkness or metaphorical darkness, that unnerves us.

We therefore feel safe when we can see a path to safety. When we can predict what will happen, using knowledge gained in the past to have a sense of control over the present, our survival brains calm down a bit. The more our highly visual brains can see what to expect without being caught by surprise, and the more we can envision a path to safety, the safer we feel.

Our Current Options

Unfortunately, we are in highly uncertain times right now. The threat of illness is very real, and the threat of economic disaster on the heels of that disease feel more and more likely as the whole world shuts down and self-isolates.

Whether we are thinking about the illness itself, or thinking about the economic reality that so many of us are already facing as the whole world economy grinds to a stop, we do not have predictability to keep our brains calm. We do not have control. We cannot see the path to safety.

What we DO still have is the ability to know what’s going on in our heads, to work with the innate ability for calm that is locked inside our brains. And importantly, we DO still have our connection to each other.

Those two functions hold the key to accessing our uniquely human capacities for reason and creativity during these unsettling times.

Calming Your Survival Brain

If you’ve tried reasoning with yourself, or laying blame, or otherwise using logic and knowledge to overcome whatever level of anxiety / stress / fear is laying below the surface, then you already know how unlikely it is that that approach will work. And it is especially unlikely to work if you are trying to help others remain calm by telling them to “stay calm!”

From reading here so far, you can now see why that isn’t working. Because our survival brains are leading the way, and because that part of the brain has limited capacity for rational thought, it is no use trying to fight emotion with logic.

That means that the approaches most likely to work are those that speak the language of that hair-trigger survival brain.

The following is a short list of approaches that might help you feel calmer in the face of ongoing stress triggers. We hope you will add to this list in the comments.

1) Listen to Notice, Understand, and Connect

Connection requires at least some degree of understanding. When we do not understand the people around us, we tend to other-ize them. “They’re so (fill in the blank — Dumb? Crazy? Messed up?)” is a way of separating ourselves from others. And right now, our brains need us to feel connection, even as we are practicing social distance.

The key here is to notice examples of fear-based thinking in yourself. Notice what is guiding your decisions. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now? Where am I noticing that feeling — in my head? In my tightening muscles? In my gut?”

Notice if you’re dropping things or feeling unusually clumsy. Notice if your gut feels tied in knots.

And as you notice that in yourself, realize that is what everyone around you is feeling.

One practice I find helpful is to put myself in the shoes of others, to intentionally feel their pain and fear. When I breathe in the pain of someone else, I can stop blaming them for making seemingly silly choices, and can begin to understand why they made that choice. When I listen in that way, doing my best to feel what that other person might be feeling, my judgment about them falls away as my compassion grows.

Importantly, when our judgments fall away, the survival brain has no reason to fire when we think of that person. During these times when everyone around us is afraid to some extent, connecting to their fears through the lens of compassion is a solid step in quieting our own survival reactions.

2) Meditate

Meditation helps us to gain awareness, to notice what we’re feeling. How can we do something about feeling anxious or stressed if we don’t know we’re feeling anxious or stressed? Meditation, practiced over time, will help you gain control over your reflexive reactions, first and foremost by making you aware of them.

It is one thing to be afraid; it is another to allow fear to make your decisions. Meditation creates a powerful path for separating “how you feel” from the actions you take, simply by making you aware of what is really happening in your mind.

3) Connect, Connect, Connect

If our brain chemistry is wired for connecting with others, then we will find comfort when we go where our brains are leading us.

If you are sequestered with other people, hug them. Hold their hands. Rub their backs. Hug again. Touch each other. Humans need touch to survive and thrive.

For those friends and loved ones who are too far away to touch (and these days, that might be just 6 feet away!), reach out to tell them you love them. Bonus points if you tell them the things you love about them (see the Gratitude section below). Even more bonus points if you can forgive them for whatever you may be holding against them.

Our survival brains need that feeling of connection and belonging. Even as you are staying away from others, the more you can connect meaningfully and emotionally, from a place of love and forgiveness, the more likely your survival brain will stay quiet, at least for a little while.

4) Start a Gratitude Practice

A scrap of paper pinned to the bulletin board above my desk has a hand-written reminder I wrote myself long ago. It says, “When I am feeling fear or scarcity, gratitude is the answer.”

Why is gratitude such a powerful elixir? Because gratitude is rooted in the mechanics of our brains.

First, gratitude can remind us that there is still good stuff in our lives, with much that is going well. Feeling stronger because of what is solid can help set our minds at ease.

In addition, gratitude reminds us that at least in that specific situation, our connection to others is strong, and that good things have happened because of that.

In my day job, I lead the nonprofit organization, Creating the Future, where we teach people how to create systems change. Because speaker fees and in-person gatherings are a big part of our revenue stream, we are preparing for the economic strain that is accompanying this pandemic. To move beyond those struggles, yesterday I sat down to assess our financial situation.

The moment I looked at what is now a meaningless budget, my brain did what it is programmed to do: I panicked. I knew what was happening, knew why those chemicals were coursing through my veins. But that didn’t mean I could stop it.

So I went into the other room and asked my husband, “Would you help me find gratitude? I’ve been doing financial projections for the past hour, and I can’t even calm myself to list who I’m grateful for. Would you help me kick off that list?”

Within just 10 minutes, I felt calm enough to go for a walk, make dinner, watch some television. I was able to do all those things with a good degree of peace, all because I had fed my brain an antidote to scarcity… gratitude for what we DO have.

So ask yourself who you’re grateful for. For even more power, create a chain of gratitude, going back through cause-and-effect to thank everyone who contributed to that thing for which you are grateful.

5) Exercise

We’ve all heard that exercise can release feel-good chemicals in our brains (endorphins). These days, we can use all the feel-good chemicals our bodies can produce!

Whether it is a walk outside, a full-blown workout at home, or dancing with your kids in the living room, exercise could be your brain’s best friend, releasing pent-up energy in your muscles, and releasing happy chemicals into your bloodstream.

6) Compassion and Kindness for Self

Hopefully, understanding what is happening in your brain is a first step towards being compassionate to yourself. Once you know why you suddenly cannot remember simple things, or why you keep bumping into things, you will be able to stop blaming yourself. “Damn, I’m suddenly so clumsy!” can be replaced with, “Oh, I see what’s happening!”

With that understanding, and especially with the understanding that your brain is seeking control and predictability, do the things that normally give you a sense of control. Create new routines, and stick to them as your “new normal.” Clear out the junk closet. Clean the bathroom. Sew or paint or garden or play the piano. Whatever keeps your hands busy (your muscles releasing pent-up energy by moving), if it doesn’t require a whole lot of rational thought — do that.

Having clean closets will do nothing to prevent disease. But it may just give you a bit of room to breathe, even just for a little while.

7) Drive with Compassion and Wisdom

Understanding what is going on in the brain of pretty much everyone these days, it is more important now than ever to be mindful when you get behind the wheel.

Mindful driving is first about ourselves. Obviously the mandate to PUT THE CELL PHONE AWAY has even more meaning when our brains are distracted to begin with. Slow down, breathe deep as you turn the key. Remind yourself to notice, to be on heightened alert. Use every red light to re-center yourself.

I find the New Years Eve mindset is helpful these days — imagining that every single person on the road is drunk. That heightened awareness has helped me avert several accidents this week.

I’m also seeking out parking spots that allow me to drive forward vs. having to back out of that space. Pedestrians leaving supermarkets are thinking far more about where they can find baby wipes than watching for cars. And I don’t want to back into them!

Secondly, be compassionate of all those other drivers. Instead of blaming them for being distracted, understand them. Use Exercise #1 to breathe in the fact that, like you, their world has been knocked off its axis, and they are trying to cope the best they can. Things are discomforting enough without adding road rage to the equation.

8) Help Others Understand What’s Happening in Their Own Brains

If this article has helped you breathe for a moment, by seeing that what you’re experiencing is exactly what we humans are built to experience, share that knowledge with others. The more we can all breathe a bit more deeply, the more we can take actions that will bring out the best in each other. And that will help to keep us all safe emotionally as well as physically.

At the end of the last leg of my 36 hours on planes last weekend, the woman next to me, who had been spilling things all over the place, finally found her packet of disinfectant wipes. “You’ve been so kind,” she told me. “Take this packet. I can’t figure out why I couldn’t find it before. And I’m so sorry we kept spilling stuff. What a mess we are! This isn’t normally us…”

And so I took a moment to share with her what I’ve just shared with you. That that is how our brains are wired. That we are all dropping things and running into walls. None of us can find car keys or eyeglasses or our phones. I explained that what she was experiencing is just how our brains work.

And I watched my seatmate’s shoulders relaxed. She took a deep breath, only to realize that she hadn’t breathed in what felt like days.

These are all gifts we can give to ourselves and those around us — the gifts of connection, compassion, gratitude, and understanding. These are the gifts our brains need right now. And hopefully those gifts will provide a bit more calm during these deviously uncertain times.

* Please note: If you are quarantined with someone who is abusive and you are in fear for your life or your children’s lives, organizations in communities around the world are there to help. This article from the National Domestic Violence Hotline is a good start.