6 Secret Things You Didn’t Know about LORD JARGONNATH

As HIS entry into the Existosphere approaches, you should consider these facts

1. LORD JARGONNATH’s temple in UFR sublocale 12.79 is a manifestation of the twelfth foci of the hundred shimmers described in the SraliVda. When Sri Gopali made his sixth pilgrimage to the Milk Fountain, JARGONNATH was manifest in the form of a purple cabbage. Allowing this cabbage to ferment in the City of Nectar, Sri Gopali beheld HIS visage within the fermenting crock, and his apostles built the temple at this very site. It’s true!
2. During the meta-annual festival of the Greater Brassicalia, HIS followers chant praises to HIM in basal tone Y-96, replacing aural nodes with greater establishments of prana energy. If the proper number of individuals achieve the basal tone, HE will appear in the form of a dark-green bottlecap.

LORD JARGONNATH is watching you with LOVE

3. Devotees of LORD JARGONNATH prepare 67 servings of sauerkraut daily during the festival. If unable to do so, they may alternatively declare themselves “Out Sick,” provided they call this information into HIS Sick Line prior to 7:30 AM. Amazing!

4. In 1483, during HIS last physical incarnation within the Existosphere, LORD JARGONNATH’s Executive Board was attacked during its annual retreat on Gran Canaria and forced into exile by the King of Spain. Believe it or not!

LORD JARGONNATH has a FLUTE of INTEGRITY

5. LORD JARGONNATH is the patron of the third manifestation of the “ample wording” of the Policy and Procedure. When HE plays HIS Flute of Integrity, HE reaches out to allow us to embrace our Core Competency, Empowering us to Move the Needle and establish Scalable Best Practices.

6. ALL PRAISE TO SRI JARGONNATH! HE is coming, and the HAMA LAMA will be HIS AVATAR.