TED Talk, Love ,關於愛

看了一些關於愛的Ted talk ，選了一些內心想記錄下來的影片，並節錄一些很喜歡的句子&網友的留言。

1.How to love and be loved | Billy Ward | TEDxFoggyBottom

1. 講者首先運用一連串冥想帶領聽眾思考三個問題: Who is your sun, your lighthouse, and your discoball?

2. I believe that the toughest guy in the room is not the football guy, it’s the loving guy. Love is a team sport.

3. The same love and light that I witnessed and experienced in Daniel, could be found in everyone and everything.

4. Truly live a life where they can love and be loved.

2.How Your Brain Falls In Love | Dawn Maslar | TEDxBocaRaton

講者運用論文以及一些有趣的故事佐證說明下列激素如何在人體內運作: Dopamine(多巴胺)/Oxytocin(催產素,cuddle hormone) / Testosterone(睾固酮,blocks oxytocin) / Vasopressin(similar to oxytocin加壓素)

3.How being heartbroken was the best thing to ever happen to me: Emma Gibbs at TEDxSouthBankWomen

1. It’s really difficult to deal with… Loving someone so much when they don’t love you enough to fight for you”
2. Being honest with ourselves is the only way that we will ever create, empower, inspire, innovate and achieve the greatness that our world so desperately needs.
3. “In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” That last one. So hard to do.

4.The brain in love | Helen Fisher

講者介紹了她的研究計畫並用馬雅的傳說故事開場，整場演講由文學故事貫串(很敬佩)。

1. Emily Dickinson once wrote, “Parting is all we need to know of hell.”
2. That brain system — the reward system for wanting, for motivation, for craving, for focus — becomes more active when you can’t get what you want.
3. Plato: “The god of love lives in a state of need. It is a need, it is an urge, it is a homeostatic imbalance. Like hunger and thirst, it’s almost impossible to stamp out.”
4. Three main characteristics of addiction:Tolerance/withdrawals/ relapse.
5. Women get intimacy from face-to-face talking (baby).Men faced their enemies, they sat side-by-side with friends(hunt).
6. Love is in us. It’s deeply embedded in the brain. Our challenge is to understand each other.

5.The person you really need to marry | Tracy McMillan | TEDxOlympicBlvdWomen

這名講者待過24個寄養家庭，結婚又離婚三次，她提出的概念是marry yourself. 是個非常精彩的演講！

1. Marrying yourself is not like co-habitating. You’re going to do this till death. You are going to take vows.
2. You are going to marry yourself for richer or poorer.( You are going to love yourself right where you are.)
3. You are going to marry yourself for better or worse. (You agree to stay with you mo matter what.)
4. You are going to marry yourself in sickness and in health.(You forgive yourself for your mistakes. A mistake isn’t actually a failure unless you don’t learn from it and unless you don’t grow.)
5. You ask for patience, and what you get is a line at the bank. Life does not give you what you ask for, it gives you the people, places and situations that allow you to develop what you ask for.
6. If you don’t get it right the first time, life will give it to you again.Because life is very generous that way.
7. The places where you have the biggest challenges in your life become the places where you have the most to give, if you do your inner work.
8. When you marry yourself, you have and hold yourself. It means you love yourself the way you want someone else to love you.

在留言區有很多人分享自己的故事蠻觸動我的，節錄一些喜歡的句子：

1. Your healthiest relationships will only be as healthy as your relationship with yourself.
2. This is part of my “for better or *for worse*” part, and I need to hold my own hand, help myself get through this time and have faith that if I work hard enough, I’ll find a job that I enjoy.
3. Every relationship we will ever have is an extension of the relationship we already have with ourselves.

6.A better way to talk about love | Mandy Len Catron

1. Change our metaphors. Metaphors shape the way we experience the world and even act as a guide for future actions (self-fulfilling prophecy.)
2. If love is a collaborative work of art, then love is an aesthetic experience. This version of love is not about winning or losing someone’s affection. Instead, it requires you trust your partner and talk about things when trusting feels difficult.
3. You get to stop thinking about yourself and what you’re gaining or losing in your relationship. And you get to start thinking about what you have to offer.

7.Select the right relationship | Alexandra Redcay | TEDxUpperEastSide

1. Never try to teach the pig to sing, it annoys the pigs and wastes your time.
2. Open your heart to self-assessment.Pay attention to red flags.
3. Once you understand you, you identify what is healthy for you and what is unhealthy for you.

這個演講的概念正反評論兩極。有人認為講者的核心觀念”Your friends and family must meet your prospect”不適用於那些「在家庭與朋友關係較複雜、負面」的人身上，但除了這個bug之外都蠻好的。

8.How to fix a broken heart | Guy Winch

我很喜歡Guy Winch! 他的敘事能力、鋪排邏輯超棒，他真的是incredible storyteller，他有兩個很著名的演講，另外一個是How to practice emotional first aid | Guy Winch，推薦兩個都聽聽看。

1. Getting over heartbreak is not a journey. It’s a fight, and your reason is your strongest weapon. There is no breakup explanation that’s going to feel satisfying. No rationale can take away the pain you feel. So don’t search for one, don’t wait for one, just accept the one you were offered or make up one yourself and then put the question to rest, because you need that closure to resist the addiction.
2. You have to be willing to let go, to accept that it’s over. Otherwise, your mind will feed on your hope and set you back. Hope can be incredibly destructive when your heart is broken.
3. What I tell my patients is to compile an exhaustive list of all the ways the person was wrong for you, all the bad qualities, all the pet peeves,and then keep it on your phone.
4. To fix your broken heart, you have to identify these voids in your life and fill them. The voids in your identity: you have to reestablish who you are and what your life is about.
5. So if you know someone who is heartbroken, have compassion, because social support has been found to be important for their recovery. And have patience, because it’s going to take them longer to move on than you think it should.
6. And if you’re hurting, know this: it’s difficult, it is a battle within your own mind, and you have to be diligent to win. But you do have weapons. You can fight. And you will heal.

9. What is love? A journey through the heart | Mia Hansson | TEDxDouglas

這場講者分享自己的故事、長時間靜坐練習的體悟與佛教的智慧。透過她的生命故事闡述最核心的觀念be honest to yourself 。

1. I noticed this tiny little thing and it said I am extremely precious I’m life itself and it’s your responsibility to take care of me.
2. Love exists in things, it exists in plants, it exists in nature, not just in people and not just in romance.
3. Buddhists call Indra net which connects all of us and all things. It means that everything that we do affects other people, even the tiniest little thing.
4. I realized that that is what love is. Taking care of other people’s tiniest needs if you can, if they need you and always looking out for that.
5. I turned around this aggressive emotion into realization of connection.
6. Tell your truth to somebody who really knows how to listen.When you tell somebody, the act of telling somebody is almost like an alchemy. It transforms the feeling to something that you realize is actually ok.
7. The key to true love is in the word true. When I was honest with myself and let go of an agenda and stop trying to make things happen, that love could actually happen.
8. Love isn’t some kind of magical thinking. It’s grace and you honor it by letting go of the opinions that separate us.
9. Rumi’s well-known poem: “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas,language, even the phrase each other doesn’t make any sense.”

10. The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go | Jill Sherer Murray | TEDxWilmingtonWomen

非常喜歡講者的故事分享！(有趣且感人，5則提醒都伴隨了故事。)

5 Ways to Let Go:

1. Don’t take things personally.

2. Let go of what other people think.

3. Let go of trying to be something you are not.

4. Let go of the need to be perfect.

5. Let go of not yet.