I am a failure
…and it’s okay with me.
For my first Medium post, I am writing about failure.
How apropos.
You see, this past weekend, I decided to pull the plug on a fundraising effort that I had launched after months of excited and careful planning. After a week of promotion, and some cross-promotion, the fund-o-meter remained $3,500 below my hopeful target amount of… $3,500.
Yeah.
At first, my stubborn, (sometimes foul-mouthed) not-to-be-outdone inner-child said
“Oh helllllz no! Eff that! This is a worthy cause! We spent a LOT of time on that painting, and putting this fundraiser together. We. don’t. fail.”
And don’t you know — that child made me stay awake until bleary-eyed,researching and drawing up plans until my fingers ached. I was going to canvass the internet, soliciting donations for this project. No matter that I was already pretty physically run-down, and already had a way-too-full plate of things to do. Surely I could raise $3,500 from the whole entire INTERNET!??
This child, mind you, has come in handy on many occasions throughout my life. She is quite the taskmistress, and sometimes I suffer for her blind determination, but she. gets. results. Dammit.
Thankfully, like many artists, I have a number of people living inside of my head, so, when said child’s older, more grounded sister stepped in and said:
“Stop.”
I listened.
“Girl, please. This is NOT working, and you don’t have the time or the energy to make it work right now. Maybe another time, but not now. You failed this time, and you may fail next time, but if this is important to you, and if you keep at it, eventually you will succeed. Probably.”
And while the child screamed and threatened her big sis with a knuckle sandwich (she’s a feisty one), in my gut, I knew what I needed to do: I took down the fundraiser page, removed the Facebook post and paid ad promoting the fundraiser, and moved on.
I know some will bristle at the notion that one may be labelled a “failure” after one failed attempt. I like to call things what they are. If I fail, I am a “failure.” Not a failure at life, but a failure at that thing. For now.
That said, please know that the flipside is also true, and that I will unabashedly refer to myself as “successful” after one (self-defined) success, i.e., “Yay, I nailed that audition!” or “I found my other earring - I sooo ROCK!!” (followed by a requisite swag-walk or a happy-dance) so it all evens out.
Bottom line? I’m with Mike on this one:
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” —Michael Jordan
