Love, American Stylee
My aim as always is to clarify the ways of America to Man, a desire implanted in my bosom as a youth when I first made her acquaintance and found that I, like every sensible fellow, loved her madly.
I say also to you who may doubt my statement that all the earlier felonies and misdemeanors of my life were but the signs of amour, for you shall not lay at my door the claim of enmity against my turtle-dove America!
No, better the drug-dealing, bank-robbing, check-kiting and burglarizing lusts of youthful passion than the Prison-building, corporate-merging, shuffled accounts and political dry humps of staid marriage.
Yes, and though this passion, that like any a young man’s was hot and not to be stifled, led to my expulsion from her chamber so that now I must content myself with sundry peasant dames remembering always how I once had the fines of ladies, stripped of her pretensions and refinements, in animal heat, again and again,
I avow that my crime was that I loved too well, too long, too deeply, too hard, too fiercely, too wet and oiled up, without stop or respite, until even dear, delicate, surprisingly sluttish America could not keep from crying out “Stop, no More!” and with that sent me packing, returning to her life of dinner parties, media engagements and suitably dry masturbations.
There are some out there who think me ill-used, they say I was nothing but a party-boy for a jaded lady of well-known warped and perverted tastes, that I have nothing to show for the years in her thrall, that I was badly kept though I kept her well, but these are the fools that measure life by gain, I myself am thankful to have been nothing more than the lover of America, and not to have united with her in some more permanent estate, for I have seen Mr. America, I have shook the cuckold’s hand — for all his good establishment he is a henpecked fool, and is miserable in his home.
This article was written by IG Agent 6.
Agent 6 is the author of The Vaults of Fug, a collection of weird science fiction, fantasy, horror, and Borgesian monstrosities (affiliate link below)
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