Not black & white
#YesAllWomen is everyone’s responsibility to fix
As has been covered now by most of the major newspapers, the Friday night killings in Isla Vista by a deranged man who mis-attributed his rage and hatred as being caused by women rather than by his own problems has pushed the issue of how women are treated in our society to the forefront once again. The #YesAllWomen campaign is both amazing and full of gut-wrenching stories that evoke feelings of sadness and shame.
In forming my thoughts on the issue of how woman are treated in our society and more importantly who holds the responsibility for improving the situation a fear crept up on me when I pondered the ramifications of sharing those thoughts with a wider audience. The issue has become so polarized that it has entered the realm of issues which seem to exist only in black and white. As with discussions regarding abortion, gay rights, and guns, those who share moderate views get attacked by both sides.
The world is not black and white and this issue, like all issues, has subtlety.
There are three groups involved here: individual women, individual men, and the more amorphous society. All have the potential responsibility for causing this behavior and all have the potential for making it better. The responsibility for the behavior lies squarely on the shoulders of individual men acting inappropriately and should not require a list of the evidence to support this. (If you disagree, spend a few hours reading the tweets and stories linked via #YesAllWomen.) From a long term perspective, the responsibility lies with our amorphous friend society; Both men and the women have allowed these ideas about women to perpetuate through time. We must inoculate future generations from these ideas in order to truly change behaviors. Standing back and watching an atrocity happen because it “isn’t my fault” is not an excuse.
Some argue that the roots of this behavior are biological and therefore nothing can stop them. While this has a kernel of truth, the single most defining aspect of the human race is our ability to move beyond our biological urges with thought. Have I looked at another person and had a lascivious thought? Of course I have. I challenge any reader to honestly say they have not. The measure of a person is how one acts in response to those thoughts. To treat a woman as if a man’s thoughts and desires are more important than hers is the root of this disease. It is a blight on our society.
But where does the responsibility for repairing this blight go? The black & white answer is deceptively simple: men must stop behaving like this. While true, those who believe that is the whole answer are fooling themselves by thinking it is all it will take. That said, men obviously have an individual responsibility to treat women as equals fully deserving of respect. Without this change, we are lost.
However, every member of our society (men and women) bear a major responsibility for solving this problem. Society is not someone else. Society is everyone. Society is you. Only by everyone shunning the behavior of the percentage of men who treat woman as unequal creatures not deserving of respect can we hope to make any progress.
With the support of society as a whole, women can also take on their individual responsibility to reject disrespectful behavior from men. It needs to be understood by every man that treating a woman less than a man is not ok and those who choose to continue that behavior will be rejected by both individuals and society as a whole.
Trying to quantify how much the previous three paragraphs oversimplifies the magnitude of the solution is foolish. Each person must address the details of how they must change their behavior to cover what makes sense for their life. But everyone must accept that change is needed, that it will be hard, but that it is worth it.
Acknowledging the subtlety of the issue at hand requires that we be realistic in what we can achieve. Just like society has been unable to eradicate murder or theft some small percentage of men will continue to behave in this way no matter our efforts to completely stop it. But like murder or theft society has agreed that these behaviors are unacceptable and those who choose to step outside the accepted norms will have personal repercussions that are proportional to the violation.
Fixing this problem is everyone’s responsibility and everyone will benefit. Do not think this is only about making women’s lives better, it will make men’s lives better too. A society based on equality for everyone helps everything run smoother.
