Thinking Inside The Bubble
A Secretly Recorded Conversation At A Big Business Meeting
BUSINESS BOSS: Gentleman, as you know, Q2 sales floundered. We need some fresh ideas to save this company.
The two employees nod in agreement.
BUSINESS BOSS: Let’s not just think outside of the box on this one. Let’s rebuild the box.
EMPLOYEE #1: Hmm….
BUSINESS BOSS: What is it?
EMPLOYEE #1: Well, no, it’d never work.
BUSINESS BOSS: This is not the time to hold back. Your very livelihood is at stake.
EMPLOYEE #1: Well, what if the box were a circle instead?
BUSINESS BOSS leans back in his swivel chair.
BUSINESS BOSS: Go on…
EMPLOYEE #1: See, a circle isn’t a box. It has fewer corners.
EMPLOYEE #2: That’s true. It goes forever. Maybe it’s a better place to think.
BUSINESS BOSS: But, it’s not three-dimensional. A box is three-dimensional.
EMPLOYEE #2: Do we have to do business three-dimensionally?
BUSINESS BOSS puts down his sushi platter and narrows his eyes at the man.
BUSINESS BOSS: You’re lucky I don’t throw you from this office window. This isn’t abstract expressionism! You know god damn well that this company works three-dimensionally. Let’s focus here.
Silence.
EMPLOYEE #1: What’s a three-dimensional circle called?
EMPLOYEE #2: A sphere!
EMPLOYEE #1: Some spheres come in boxes, you know, like a basketball.
BUSINESS BOSS stands and looks out the 60th story office window.
BUSINESS BOSS: Gentleman, I need you to take this seriously. What we decide in this office may well determine the fate of the world’s economy. If the sphere is in a box and you accidentally think outside of the sphere, where does that leave you?
Silence.
EMPLOYEE #2: Inside of the box?
BUSINESS BOSS: Right. And, that’s exactly what we must avoid. We need a sphere that doesn’t go in a box.
EMPLOYEE #1: A meatball!
EMPLOYEE #2: A coconut!
BUSINESS BOSS: Okay, boys, this is good. Keep the momentum alive.
EMPLOYEE #1: Bubbles!
BUSINESS BOSS: Interesting… bubbles.
EMPLOYEE #2: I’ve seen street magicians and clowns inside of bubbles.
BUSINESS BOSS: Were they thinking inside the bubble?
EMPLOYEE #2: I think so…
EMPLOYEE #1: Maybe… we need to work and think inside of a giant bubble like a street performer, except it would be a business bubble.
BUSINESS BOSS: Think bigger.
EMPLOYEE #2: An economic bubble! We could do all of our business inside of an economic bubble.
BUSINESS BOSS: Brilliant. That’s why I pay you the big bucks.
EMPLOYEE #1: Wait, there’s one problem.
EMPLOYEE #2: What’s that?
EMPLOYEE #1: Bubbles pop.
EMPLOYEE #2: Hmmm… I never thought of that.
The men rub their chins and sit forward.
EMPLOYEE #2: Well, bubbles only pop if there are pointy things around.
BUSINESS BOSS: That’s true, goddammit. Now, we’re getting somewhere.
EMPLOYEE #1: So, as long as we keep pointy things away from our business bubble, we’ll be okay.
BUSINESS BOSS: Exactly! We need a pointless business strategy inside of the bubble.
EMPLOYEE #2: You know what would help our pointless business strategy?
The other two men look at him in eager anticipation.
EMPLOYEE #2: A pointless business book.
Cheers resonate and high fives are delivered.
EMPLOYEE #2: I just thought of the perfect title, Pointless Business Within A Huge Bubble: How To Do Business Like A Clown.
BUSINESS BOSS: Genius!
EMPLOYEE #2: How long will it take to write?
EMPLOYEE #1: A week. I’ll just put a few thoughts on paper and press print.
BUSINESS BOSS: What did you just say?
Both employees freeze.
EMPLOYEE #1: I’ll… just put a few thoughts on paper.
BUSINESS BOSS: Pig farts! That leads us right back where we started.
The employees stare at him with blank expressions.
BUSINESS BOSS: Listen, a book contains our thinking, right? And, how do we deliver those books?
The employees stare at him with blanker expressions.
BUSINESS BOSS: In boxes goddammit! We’d be putting our thinking right back inside of a box.
The employees hang their heads in defeat.
EMPLOYEE #1: What if….
BUSINESS BOSS: Spit it out!
EMPLOYEE #1: This is crazy, but what if… the book boxes were circular.
EMPLOYEE #2: How would the books fit inside?
EMPLOYEE #1: Well, maybe the books could be circles too.
BUSINESS BOSS lights a cigar and grins.
BUSINESS BOSS: Son, that’s the sort of pointless business thinking that will keep this bubble afloat. I’m proud of you.
EMPLOYEE #1: It was a group effort.
BUSINESS BOSS: You’re right. I’m proud of us.
They bring out the champagne and let the bubbles go straight to their heads.
