Get a Doormat, Todd

Have you noticed that you feel more welcome in a place with a doormat? Seriously, next time you’re hanging out at your best friend’s house, that idiot Todd, take notice — no doormat. The bloody idiot. I’m not joking. The other day, I was like, “Hey Todd, what the H did you do at Deborah’s house last night? She was so pissed! I thought maybe you stole her Star Trek (TNG) DVD collection. But then I remembered that she lent that shit to her sister Becky. Whatever, though. Just thought you should know she was pissed.”