GOP Lawmakers Enlist Room Full of Men to Decide What Women Need

As the pressure to put together a workable healthcare plan mounts, Republicans assembled a room full of men to figure out what women need and want from a healthcare plan.

Nearly 30 men representing the various interests and industries associated with health care services piled into a room in the Capitol building in order to get into the details of what exactly women need from a health care plan and what is extraneous.

“We’ve gathered everyone here today to see what we can do for women,” Paul Ryan said before the assembly exclusively comprised of men as the room slowly filled with cigar smoke, farts, and testosterone.

The discussions took some time to gain traction as the room full of men disagreed on what exactly constituted a necessary service for women.

“Well, I simply do not agree that gynecological visits should be covered,” said Rep. James Walker of Kansas. “Think about it- men never need to go to the gynecologist, so it doesn’t seem fair that we make this special coverage condition when half the population won’t use it.”

Rep. Alfred Wilkerson of Utah also drew a hard line in regards to prenatal care. “We can’t let the taxpayer foot the bill for frivolous prenatal care. As far as I’m concerned, if a baby is born with a disease that could have been screened, prevented, or treated that’s God’s will and we have no place interfering with that.”

President Donald Trump sat in on the meeting for some time. At one point, he looked up from his Twitter feed and generously offered to “personally provide pelvic exams to select women.”

After several hours of debate and disagreement, House Leader Paul Ryan suggested they table the talks and set to work putting together an elite task force of “men who are experts on the unique healthcare needs of women.”

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