(16): Sometimes There’s Just Too Much Pain to Do Anything

I woke up this morning in the usual amount of pain, expecting that some of it would dissipate once I started moving around a bit. After all, that’s how it usually works for me. I wake up, stiff and achy from immobility, then I do morning activities, walk the dog and other things that require me to move a bit, and my back unstiffens, my legs stretch and move more properly, etc., until about 11-noon, when the blush of the morning gives way to the rising tide of tiny hammers all over my body that IS fibromyalgia/chronic pain. By then, I’ve done a few things and can take the time to allow a midday dose of pain medication to ease me into the afternoon without a total collapse.

Well, this morning, none of the morning stiffness or pain dissipated, no matter what I did. And it had the temerity to get worse. I tried a few simple yoga stretches that felt really good for about 20 seconds, before they became intensely painful. The simple cat/cow flow on all fours lowered my pain level from a screaming 8 to a whining 7 for a few seconds. There was the mocking instantaneous reminder that, for maybe 5 seconds, my body remembered what it was like to have a perfect stretch out that eliminated ALL my pain…was it real or was it just a memory? I finally gave up and admitted that I’d have to take my less-than-stellar pain medications early. (That has its own problems too).

So here I am, lying in bed with a heating pad wrapped around my sciatica, willing it to stop trying to creep back up through my hips and into my lower back, waiting waiting for the pills to take effect (if they ever do — I’ve had days like that). All my vaunted attempts at getting things done today have to take a back seat to getting the pain under control. I hate the all day bed days, and I hope that today will not end up being a total loss.

Sometime later…

Several hours later, the day has not been a loss, but that’s no thanks to the relentless pain that was pushed down from a level 8 to about a level 6. Luckily, I did not have to face the rest of the day with severe pain, only the usual chronic discomfort. The sciatica only whined a bit (albeit constantly), as I filled several orders from my online stores in time for the postman to pick them up. So right there’s a tangible difference that pain medication, however anemic, makes in the lives of others.

If I had had no access to pharmaceutical pain relief, I would likely have not had the stamina to prepare, pack and post those packages today. They would have been delayed by at least a day, and those customers would not have their items quite as fast. So arguably, narcotic pain medication makes me better at my job, especially as the “job” is a self-driven online sales effort. It is important to me that I don’t slack on the orders I get. I’m not a driven businesswoman by any means, but I do pride myself on being prompt and helpful.

Now that all that’s done, the pain medication is showing definite signs of wearing off. It will be a simple dinner and collapse kind of evening. But thanks to the wonders of pharmaceuticals and my determination to use them sparingly and intelligently, they did their job (barely) so I could do mine (also barely). Bye for now, y’all!